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Cannonball Read III: Your Three-Year-Old: Friend or Enemy by Louise Bates Ames

By Lauri | Posted Under Book Reviews | Comments (7)



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Your Three-Year-Old:Friend or Enemy isn’t your typical CBR book, but it’s also not your typical parenting book, either. Louise Bates Ames’s series of child development books covers ages 1-14. So far, I’ve read the 2- and 3-year-old books and plan to keep reading these every year before my son’s birthday.

Published first in the 70′s, what makes these books different from most parenting books is the focus on behavioral information. This book won’t tell you how to deal with your 3-year-old’s tantrums exactly, but it will tell you WHY your child acts the way they do. I appreciate the gentle, reassuring tone of the books and the emphasis on trusting your own parenting instincts.

Some may argue that these books are dated, but there is a reason they are still in print 30+ years later. The descriptions of what is normal behavior at each age are, in my experience with my son and many other children, spot on. The books describe the variations of behavior and what happens developmentally at specific ages. For me, having a better understanding of why my son is clinging to me, acting out, or trying new, crazy stunts leads me to finding my own strategies to help him through his challenges — and fosters in me an appreciation of just how much he is growing and developing every day.


For more more of Lauri’s reviews, check out the Cannonball Read III blog.

This review is part of Cannonball Read III. For more information, click here.









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Comments

These books are parenting gold. I can't recommend them highly enough. The lack of trendy advice makes them timeless and eschew the often cloying/judgmental tone of many books in the same genre.
I hate parenting books, as a rule, but these books are worth many reads, especially when it's your 4-year-olds birthday and you're kind of rethinking the whole 3rd child thing because he's being such a belligerent, screaming ass when you've given up your career to raise him and you are glad to have a part time job cleaning toilets and cafeteria work and need to defer your student loans once again because do you have a fancy degree? Why yes, you do.
But then you remember Your Four Year Old. The part where they explain why many 4-year-olds are sent to pre-school because they can be fucking annoying and you smile and he sees you smile and raises his little arms and says,"Mama, can you please forgive me?" And your grinch heart defrosts because "of course, of course" and the sun comes out and there are bunnies and a rainbow with puffy hearts and a unicorn jumps and plays and you feel like maybe it'll be alright after all.

Posted by: Agogagogo at October 19, 2011 10:37 AM

I'll have to check this out. The boy is not quite 3 1/2, and he's definitely interesting and entertaining, along with exhausting, exasperating, infuriating, and the best fucking thing ever. Just thinking about him makes me want to smell his head right now.

Does the book have anything about potty training battles? I'm not asking for me. My cousin has a 3 1/2 year old kid. Yeah, that's it.

Posted by: Captain Tuttle at October 19, 2011 1:07 PM

I don't remember much about potty training. If your son is an only or eldest child, it may take longer for him to get it or give in to it.

Posted by: Agogagogo at October 19, 2011 1:24 PM

Every once in a while there's a great one of these "what's going on here books." I read and have since recommended one on clinical depression titled The Noonday Daemon.

I wonder if there's a book like this for dealing with aging parents? A couple hours ago I got of the phone with my sweet, stubborn, wise, wonderful, prickly, brave, exasperating, aging mother.

Posted by: BierceAmbrose at October 19, 2011 2:06 PM

Oh, three year olds. I will not be sorry to see this age go. I'll have about a 6 month break from having a three year old in the house and will relish it. Thanks for the review, I'm going to check these out.

Posted by: katy at October 19, 2011 2:16 PM

Agoagoago: ha ha ha ha! I hear you. Our eldest is four, our middle one is two, and we have a newborn. Terrible twos? Bitch, please. At four, they are large AND annoying AND can talk! Our daughter easily requires the most from us, both mentally and physically. As you note, she will come to me and say "I'm so sorry, Mommy" and I can't stay mad at her. Sigh.

As to parenting books, I'm a closet reader. I've read a ton of them - find them fascinating. I'll have to look into these. I'm presently reading Kazdin's about parenting defiant children. I really liked Kohn's "Unconditional Parenting", as well. Any recommendations?

Posted by: samantha t at October 19, 2011 6:19 PM

Theses books are awesome and short. I used them when my tween was small and while I don't think to read them anymore, I have the good parts highlighted in my brain.
As for parenting books in general, no. No suggestions. I hate them. Sorry. :)

Posted by: Agogagogo at October 20, 2011 7:47 AM