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100 Books in One Year: #65 Clown Girl by Monica Drake


Cannonball Read / Brian Prisco

Book Reviews | April 13, 2009 | Comments (8)


Monica Drake came from the same writing group that spawned both Chuck Palahniuk and the remarkable short story writer Amy Hempel, and I can’t tell if that’s to her detriment. Her first novel reads a bit like a Chick Palahniuk, sort of that punchy insane society where ugliness breeds from the surreal. It’s not as salacious or socially overt as Palahniuk, but it still seethes with all the malice and pop weirdness of his works. And despite a clunky kind of romance cliche that clutches to the spine of the story like a fatted tumor, the book’s just so damn weird as to be enjoyable.

Clowns work the dark side of Baloneytown. They allure coulrophiles with balloon animals, use rubber chickens as commerce, and cavort in manners that are some parts Chaplin and some parts grim prostitution. Some call clowning art, some call it a desperate lifestyle, others use the makeup to mask their hideous lives.

Clown Girl lives with her ex-boyfriend and his new muscle-bound mutant girlfriend, trying to make enough money pulling corporate gigs and dodging gropey clown sex maniacs so that she can join her beau, Rex Galore, who has gone off to Clown College. She’s working herself to the bone, tying balloon animals in the shape of Christian dogmatic symbols to pawn off on hateful children. Clown Girl draws the eye of Jerrod, a sweet hearted cop who wants to help her ride off into the sunset on his horse, who tries to be a stand up guy in a crumbling burg.

And that becomes the strange and pathetic love triangle at the heart of Clown Girl. Nita (her real name) hides behind her floppy shoes and baggy pants and her almost fanatical devotion to Rex, who strings her along as she pays his way. It’s far more complicated than a simple heel vs. hero love quarrel, because of the creepy and perverse sickness that pervades the entire novel. There’s a greasy film that covers all the events of the story, like a stained circus in a low rent part of town where you can see the needle marks on the trapeze artist. It’s a freak show, but where everyone’s some form of broken down freak. It’s horrifying and ugly, and that has nothing to do with clown hair.

For two summers, I made balloon animals at festivals and boat shows. For eight hours I worked my fingers to the bloody bone, tying swords and parrots and flowers for hordes of children. The skin on my index fingers would actually rip and peel off in huge rents of flesh. I would have to beg off and apologize for getting blood on the child’s poodle. Sweat poured from my massive foam cowboy hat as I twisted latex in the scalding sun. It was heaven, sweltering in the middle of hell. I was given the job through an ex-girlfriend who scalded my heart irrevocably, and I ended up seducing another balloonist into my bed just to make her heart pop like a flimsy sculpted bunny balloon. I was horrible to her, and all she did was teach me a better way to twist teddy bear faces. So sickly, I can relate to this tale.

The story opens with an epigraph telling the tale of a theater fire. A clown ran in off stage screaming to the crowd, “Fire! Fire!” They laughed, not sure whether to take him seriously. And the more he shouted, the more the crowd cheered. That’s the heart of this tale, and the mild cloud that obscures it. You can’t tell if Drake is serious or not. The book sort of has this entirely droll attitude of seriousness in the face of this highly melodramatic comedy. It’s soap opera fodder, like a novella on Telemundo, with huge fights being conducted by grown men in floppy hats and baby costumes. It’s a damn interesting read, even if it’s not completely perfect.

This review is part of the Cannonball Read series. Details are here and the growing number of participants and their blogs are here.


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Comments

I may just have to pick this book up, as I myself was once a clown. My high school had a clown troop, actually trained by Ringling Brothers clowns. You would be amazed at the rules for appearance and behavior that exist in the clown world. Anyway, I felt the need to share this experience: A fellow clown and I decided to whore ourselves out for children's birthday parties for a little extra money on the side. Our first gig was for a 4-year old girl, and the party was being held in the basement of a church. So, Goldie the Clown and I (clown name: Daisy) walk into the party ready to perform some skits, make some balloon animals, and try to avoid having our wigs yanked off by 4-year-olds. Parents, here is where I have to interject a word of advice: if you are going to hire clowns for your child's birthday, please make absolutely certain in advance that your child is not horribly terrified of clowns. The parents in this tale did not follow this advice. As soon as we walked in the door, the birthday girl spotted us and immediately burst into an hysterical crying fit. She cried so hard that she threw up, and her poor father (apparently at a loss for a better action to take) held out his hands and tried to catch her vomit. The girl's mother had to take her into the kitchen to get her calmed down. Through it all, Goldie and I are standing there with I'm sure not the most bright, friendly, clown-like faces we could have sported. We ended up performing for the other kids at the party, and the birthday girl spent the rest of the day sitting on the kitchen counter trying not to hyperventilate. For all this, we only made $15 each.

Posted by: puregonzo at April 13, 2009 9:25 AM

I like to think of Prisco as an early Steve Martin. He has all these ridiculous talents and he's just waiting for a chance to use them.
I think you're just a banjo away from really making it big,

Posted by: Optimus Rhyme at April 13, 2009 10:08 AM

You gave the kids the bloody poodle?

Posted by: Bucko at April 13, 2009 10:23 AM

Where's nadine, she needs to share more horrifying clown stories to go along with this review.

Don't know if I would read this one, as clowns generally don't interest me unless they are ripping the arms off of children, but the review is good.

Posted by: Snath at April 13, 2009 11:34 AM

I hated the first half of this book. Loathed it beyond belief. Threw it across the room a couple times, because Nita was so weak and letting her douche of a boyfriend screw her over for money. After I finished it, I ended up liking it a lot though, because the first half sets up the perfect "My God, could this really get worse? Oh. Well, fuck, I guess it could." and then resolves it not using other people, but using Nita to help herself realize that if she were crazier, she'd be wearing a tinfoil hat, and that these other people, all of them, are using her for themselves and she's getting fucked. Crazy Clown Girl becomes Nita, finally.

Posted by: Captain Steve at April 13, 2009 11:36 AM

I love that you used to make balloon animals. Love it.

Posted by: figgy at April 13, 2009 2:49 PM

Erg, puregonzo, I hear ya. I have run the gamut of children's entertainment roles, and I also have painful experiences of being a clown for pay. I remember one where I was ten, and me and my stepmother (god help me) filled the car up with giant stuffed animals out the windows, her bear puppet, a Madonna LP, and colored scarves, bowler hats and glitter paint - and of course in full warpaint. We worked another ten year old kids party, which was a huge Italian fancy affair, only we did the rec room portion of it dancing around to 'Dress You Up' and flinging scarves around and whatnot. A little soft shoe. A little routine. Singalong. With my stepmother. My cut of the action was $150, so that made a lot of difference on the humility scale.

Apparently it was a hit though, and the parents thought I was an albino midget and kept offering me alcohol. One day I'll tell you about how my family performed shows for 20,000 kids in three days, every year, for five years. I was Yoda, Tinkerbell, a mermaid, and again, the clown. Life before age 20 was wayyyy more interesting. Maybe I'll check this book out.

Posted by: replica at April 13, 2009 3:37 PM

Wow, replica. Sounds like we should totally hang out and swap horror stories. Also, in the right light, I could also possibly be mistaken for an albino midget...and that's without clown makeup. Wait, you probably don't wanna hang out now, do you? Damn it.

Posted by: puregonzo at April 13, 2009 5:42 PM