Pajiba

I don't often feel violent, but die Blue Men, die!

Where is it exactly that you have to pay $250 for Blue Man Group and $500 for Cirque de Soleil?

Fred, my guess would be Las Vegas -- ? (But I don't get out much).

Godtopus, why???? WHY??? The whole point of shows like Blue Man Group and Stomp is to see them live, so you can "brag" about how awesome you are 'cause you got to see them live.

Are there seriously no more ideas for movies out there? Are the writers still on strike and we don't know about it? Blue Men Group Movie? The Story of Christian the Lion? I'm fucking sick and tired of people like Michael Bay being the only "voices" out there. The other day I actually caught myself wondering when Zach Braff was filming his next movie. Zach fucking Braff. I wanna google him just to see what his hair is gonna look like on film. Am I so film-deprived I am slowly but surely falling under the spell of Braff's emotional head-slightly-tilted-back, emo-murmurs, sleepy-yet-not-blinking-eyes acting?

This is rock-bottom right here.

Does anybody ever get the idea that after all the greasepaint has been washed off, the Blue Men's heads/faces are basically giant zits? Seriously - you slather on a boatload of make-up, spend two hours sweating your arse off, and do 4-5 shows a week? That's pimple country, my friend...

Reminds me of the time I was 16 and working at a pizza joint. l bet a co-worker a pack of smokes he couldn't keep a pepperoni on his head during our entire five hour shift. He did it, but the next day he had a giant, pulsing pimple where the pepperoni was. He had to go to a dermatologist and have it lanced, leaving a half-inch abscess in his forehead. He became a recluse hellbent on destroying me and those I love... This is why I must constantly keep on the move, never getting close to those I meet... never finding love.

You said "Stomp"...and now I'm working really hard to keep my laughter in.

And sometimes those people who were all Kerouacked out in school would visit New York and come back and tell you about this amazing show they saw with pipes and brooms n shit.

Oh! See what I did there??

I've looked into the time vortex and I will the threads together.

If I yawn any bigger, Tara Reid will sue me for copyright infringement.

Thanks, Jay.

I don't often feel violent

Are you new here? What the hell's wrong with you???

I walk in and there's a colored man in my kitchen!

No, it's about douchetisity.

My sisters and I took my 80 yo mother to see the group in Chicago - when we told her where we were headed she said "You know, I've never really been that fond of the blues..."

Well, obviously, this was a great idea. In 2003.

True. But they did do 'Rent' not that long ago. So it's kind of like retro-mining except more like a backed-up pipe, leaving us ankle-deep in the muck of what used to take at least a decade and a half to get back to us.

I mean, Oliver Stone's doing that movie about W, and that isn't even over yet.

Are you new here? What the hell's wrong with you???

Not new, just trying to control myself. With kids, one tries to suppress the violence.

Not new, just trying to control myself. With kids, one tries to suppress the violence.

Well that's a bad idea. Suppressing means it'll one day explode in a way that fascinates and shocks the news media at large. You've got to channel it, redirect it (away from the kids, ideally) or use it constructively, like raging at morons in traffic or at McPalin - hell, vigilantism can sometimes be a public service - or in playing violent sports/games. Venting and expressing feelings and violent tendencies in a controlled way does wonders at keeping the police out of your business. Bottling it up means at least disturbing fantasies, at worst acting them out. And for heaven's sakes, pick a more satisfying target than the Blue Men, that's just minor league.

Seriously people, you're hating on the Blue Man Group? What the hell is so bad about them? I saw them in Vegas and it fucking ruled. It was funny and entertaining, and you could do a hell of a lot worse when it comes to shows on the strip. It sounds like you're all so damn busy being too cool for school to actually think about whether the things you're ridiculing really deserve it.

Newsflash: it's ok to like something that's popular. Promise.

The whole point of shows like Blue Man Group and Stomp is to see them live, so you can "brag" about how awesome you are 'cause you got to see them live. As opposed to, say, demonstrating how intellectually superior you are by smugly dismissing such shows in forums such as Pajiba. Wow, way to go. I'm impressed. Really.

scurvyplease - Bravo! I saw them in New York and the show was great.

I suffered an existential crisis while watching the Blue Man Group perform in Las Vegas in 2001 or so (tix were $60 at that time, BTW). I was forced to confront the series of life-choices that led me to that particular seat in that particular venue at that particular time, watching three grown men in handicapped-parking paint chew on Cap'n Crunch, at varying timbres and rates of speed, for five full minutes, ostensibly for my entertainment. If it weren't for the hot drummer babe in the background, I might have just ended it right then and there.

As opposed to, say, demonstrating how intellectually superior you are by smugly dismissing such shows in forums such as Pajiba. Wow, way to go. I'm impressed. Really.

I'm not dismissing them. I said they're something that's way more appealing when you see them live. If I see them in a movie I know I'll keep thinking "Hey, a movie about the Smurfs!" which clearly demmonstrates how intellectually inferior I am. Intellectually superior, me? Ha! Not on this life, sosumi.

Yeah I mean, generally it doesn't take much to raise my ire, but I can't be bothered to care one way or another about the Blue Man Group. A movie about them is a dumb idea, but when's the last time we heard a trade news item that wasn't? Why do they themselves inspire such hate on Pajiba? Simply for inspiring the "I blue myself" line, they should at least get to pass through with limited bloodshed.

I haven't the slightest clue as to what the Blue Men do, aside look moronic in blue paint and freak audience members out.

Do I want to know?

Oh, I can certainly tell you why I hate the Blue Men...

The year was 1997, at a dive bar in Dallas, Texas. We'd been hitting the sauce pretty hard and decided to try our luck at some pull-tabs. Well, not ten minutes after we start pulling them, I get up to take a leak and when I come back, everyone is hooting and hollering cuz The Blue Man pulled a winner. So I'm all excited since we went in on the tabs together, but he gives me this bullshit line about how he bought a couple more for himself while I was in the can. I count through the total number of used tabs on the bar, and tell him that we bought thirty of 'em, and there's thirty of them, including the winner, sitting there on the bar. Well, right then and there, the lying sack tells me that he crumpled up a few losers in the ashtray, which the waitress already took and dumped. I'm pretty tipsy at this point, and I call him on it "You think you're so awesome playing pipes and splashing paint and all that shit but you know what? You aren't so cool you burnt-out motherf..." Then I puked all over the front of his black turtleneck and it was on, baby! He stood up and took a swing, but I was quick on my feet and swept his legs out from under him. Now, I don't know if you've ever been in an all-out bar-brawl, but brother, that's what went down. By the time the cops shot in a canister of tear-gas, Mr. I-bought-these-tabs-on-my-own Blue Man had given me the slip. I'm not one to hold a grudge, but that blue-faced bastard owes me twenty-five bucks. Come hell or high water, I WILL COLLECT!

I see his lying face everytime I close my eyes..

Hey, wasn't that one guy from SNL a Blue Man? Was HE?! I might have to take me a trip to New York... Maybe take a little road trip in the old MurderTank. I might be bringing a bat...

YOU OWE ME TWENTY FIVE DOLLARS, SNL GUY WHO USED TO BE A BLUE MAN! JUST BECAUSE YOU AINT BLUE NO MORE DON'T MEAN I FORGOT WHAT YOU DID! THERE WERE THIRTY TABS TOTAL! YOU DIDN'T BUY A FEW ON YOUR OWN! GRAAAAAGH!

Way to make me look professional and composed at the help desk.

I then of course had to look up what in the hell a "pull tab" is. This is like learning those wack ass PA alcohol laws--always eductional around here!

Then I puked all over the front of his black turtleneck and it was on, baby!(...)

When I read "it was on!" I thought you'd engaged in a puke fight a-la Lardass vs. Fucking Everybody in Gordy's "Stand By Me" bonfire story. You better collect your 25 bucks (that was 11 years ago; how much does that amount to today?), roll them up, jab them down his throat so the little bitch pukes on you and then you puke on him. It's better if you're under a roof in a reduced environment so that the pukefest really achieves the desired effect. Then collect your 25 bucks from the sticky floor, put them in your pocket, lean back on the wall and cross your arms over your chest as you proudly watch everyone puking.

Something to ponder on: if people turn green or red when they puke, what color would a Blue Dude turn while vomiting? Purple? Please somebody answer this question for me.

Listen, Jay, you work at a Library, right? Any chance you can do some hardcore research and get me the name of every "performer" who's dipped their noggin in a tub of blue goo in the past 12 years? Particularly any who might live or have lived in Texas? I'll give you ten bucks, m'man...

Can you also look up any way around the laws that would restrict me from beating the living hell out of a pompous blue-faced prick who owes me money? I'll throw an extra five in...

Apparently, I'll also need a copy of HTMLAMABOBS FOR DUMMIES.

Since I moved out to LA, I've made the trek out to Vegas several times. I've seen a few shows in between my card-counting sessions. And I must say - though I was skeptical going in - the Blue Man Group puts on a pretty damn good show. Their percussion grooves are cool, and they have some highly amusing wry humor going on.

Also, my ticket didn't cost $250. It was more on the order of $80 or $90.

Jay, I'm not sure which is worse:

Pa.: No AVB limit but you can't get beer in the grocery.

W.Va.: Beer in the grocery (and practically everywhere else) but a 6.0 law.

Fortunately, I live near the border. That's right, I'm a bootlegger, baby!

Thanks for the advice lordhelmet. I do yoga and I most definitely rage against the McFuckwads and poor drivers. But I see nothing wrong with also directing it toward some idiot grown men who think it's cool to paint themselves blue and act like morons.

I seen em. They were freakin amazing.

A movie is the stupidest idea ever.

But then so was a Pee Wee Herman movie. Until they did it.

Who knows.

I avoided seeing the blue man group for years. Their pretentious and ungrammatical name put me off, frankly.

Also, if you have to paint yourself blue, what are the chances that your show is any good?

And then I got dragged to their gig in London.

Massively stupid. Very, very dated and un-funny (but horribly long!) retread of the old SNL conehead skit. Stab-your-eyeballs-with-pencils, how-will-I-ever-survive-til-the-end-of-this, and I-wish-I-was home-doing-something-interesting-like-cleaning-the-bathroom level of boring. Musical quality below that of your average high school marching band. Aliens throwing up to be funny, are you kidding me? TP-ing the audience, oh wow, how ARTY!!!!!

Please die, blue men.

scurvyplease - because if a Dustin Rowles on Pajiba says so, the majority of Pajiba fans fellating him right away.