Volcano 2: The Inconvenience
Isn't it great when a natural disaster occurs and nobody dies, so we can make jokes and also whine about it without seeming insensitive? That's the case with this Ejyafjallajökull ash cloud that's swallowing up airspace and film premiere plans alike.
And it's truly fun to make the jokes, because in a way this story is sillier than the movie about a volcano in Los Angeles, the one where everyone is covered in ash at the end, prompting a little genocidal-tyrant-in-the-making to realize that the world would be better if everyone looked exactly alike (or something like that; it's been awhile since I saw it).
Already Ejyafjallajökull's spew has conquered Iron Man. Well, the premiere of Iron Man 2, anyway. But that doesn't mean we can't make light of the situation with humorous commentary about how the cloud is a villain, or a certain monster on Lost or the next star of his own Roland Emmerich-directed disaster flick.
By the way, kids, there's no reason to believe we'll get to make any movies about Ejyafjallajökull because we're all doomed. Isn't this how the dinosaurs died out? Because their travel arrangements were ruined?
Behold, the blogosphere's fun at the dark, poisoned sky's expense:
- Jeff Sneider at The Wrap:
There's a new villain in the Iron Man story: Eyjafjallajökull.
Even the world's most famous flying suit was grounded Monday on account of the Icelandic volcano, as Paramount and Marvel decided to move the "Iron Man 2" world premiere from London to Los Angeles. [...] Instead, stars Robert Downey Jr., Gwyneth Paltrow, Don Cheadle, Scarlett Johansson, Samuel L. Jackson and Mickey Rourke were expected to brave the Los Angeles smog instead
- Dave Itzkoff at NY Times ArtsBeat:
A cloud of volcanic ash has done what foes like the Mandarin, Modok and the Crimson Dynamo could not -- it has forced Iron Man to yield. [...] the A-listers were no match for the relatively unknown Eyjafjallajokull volcano (whose name, we're fairly certain, was not taken from an old Stan Lee-Jack Kirby issue of Tales of Suspense).
- Darrren Franich at PopWatch:
"My only weakness: Icelandic volcanoes!" [...] Stark Industries had no comment, but authorities suspect that the Mandarin, supervillain and noted ring enthusiast, may have something to do with this.
Does anyone else find it weird that a gigantic cloud of evil burning ash has been set loose on the world just a few weeks before the end of Lost, a show whose main antagonist is a gigantic cloud of evil black smoke? Seriously, folks, there's some Neverending Story junk happening here.
- Katey Rich at Cinema Blend:
Right now Paramount is probably wishing that Tony Stark's flight suit existed in real life, and that there were enough copies to get their entire publicity department out to London. [...] it is kind of fascinating and humbling to know that even the biggest movie of the summer coming from the biggest studio and in the biggest filmmaking industry in the world can be denied by nature. If evil volcanic ash is incorporated into the third Iron Man film, now you'll know why.
- Richard Lawson at Defamer:
Why Dr. Ironman Stark can't just use his laser jet hands to blow the ash to space or the Middle East we don't know, but it doesn't appear that he can. So, sorry England. Maybe Marvel will make up for it by giving you the Thor premiere or something exciting like that. Rene Russo's in that one! Yes, the lady from Buddy!
- Karina Longworth at Style Council:
Even Iron Man can't fly through volcanic ash. [...] The "continuing air travel uncertainty," as its put in Paramount's press release, is also starting to worry those who plan to travel to Cannes for the world's highest-profile film festival next month. Can we move that to LA, too?
- Jeffrey Wells at Hollywood Elsewhere:
My first reaction when I read about all the thousands of European flights grounded by the huge plume of ash from the eruption of Iceland's Eyjafjallajokull volcano was one of vague relief. I'm glad it's happening now, I mean, rather than 22 days hence when the Cannes Film Festival begins. My jet might not even leave New York under these conditions.
- Cole Abaius at Film School Rejects (from the list "How to Cinematical Survive a Volcano"):
Safety Tip: You'd think if there was a huge cloud of ash in the sky and burning liquid flowing on the ground, the only safe place would be underground, but you'd be wrong. Pretty much everyone who dies at the beginning of Volcano does so because they are steamed to death inside a storm drain. It may also be because Los Angeles is a hot bed of sin, and God was wiping them off the earth with His mighty wrath.
- Mark Lisanti at Movieline (from the casting suggestions for Ejyafjallajökull: The Movie)
The Ash Cloud
After Liam Neeson's commanding, Kraken-releasing turn as Zeus in Clash of the Titans, we can think of no other actor whose bearded visage would look more imposing projected into the ashy cloak Ejyafjallajökull belched forth to remind a cocky, environmentally ambivalent human race who really controls this planet. Should Neeson be unavailable or not interested in taking his brand in this direction, Ralph Fiennes would make a fine back-up plan, as he has extensive cinematic experience having his face CGI-blended into swirling, death-bringing clouds in the Harry Potter movies.
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