Pajiba

So ... it's a blue movie of a blue movie?

A "new era of Avatar porn", Vince Mancini? What the hell was the old era like?

From the sex scene that was cut but will be in the DVD:

(After having sex, then being told by his sex partner that "we are mated for life")

JAKE: It’s cool. I’m there.

That's some brilliant writing, James Cameron.

Come on, there are so many places you could go with an Avatar themed porno, all of which will be hilarious, and to not put the movie in 3D is a travesty. The whole idea is ridiculous, so why don't just go all out stupid?

NEYTIRI
I am with you now, Jake. We are mated for life.

JAKE
We are?

NEYTIRI
Yes. It is our way.
(innocently)
Oh. I forgot to tell?

He rouses up, making her look at him.

JAKE
Really, we are?

NEYTIRI
We are.

Jake considers this.

JAKE
Then put yo' clothes on bitch, and make me a sammich!

Nope, you're right Rusty. I had this conversation a week or so ago around here. Apparently in the comic (cartoon?) there is some clarification on just how it all goes down, but in the movie it is all ponytail action all the time. And (window into my sick little mind) in the scene in the movie when Jake first ponytail-melds with the horse, the FIRST thing that popped into my head was "Whoa, this just turned into bestiality porn!"
Quickly followed by "Cool!"

Alright, I'm going to sounds like a big asshole, but why is that because the aliens use their braids to connect with others, the braids are immediately labeled sex organs? Because they use it for sex once it is immediately for sex only?

This actually allows me the opportunity to tackle the nature of the geni-tails from an evolutionary and societal perspective (Which has been bugging me since I left the theatre). Obviously, the geni-tails would have evolved on Pandora at an early point in the history of its large animal population (I was going to say mammalian-esqe population, but then there's the pterodactyls to categorize as well. Damn lack of proper nomenclature. I blame Cameron for not releasing a basic science textbook to accompany the film. He has clearly underestimated the sales potential of the sci-fi geek with a legitimate interest in science that doesn't involve blasters, teleportation and warp speed. Slacker. Ok, back to my original point...) , i.e., the tails would have been a feature of the proto-Pandoran, the comment ancestor among all the large animals.

The movie made clear that the life energy/memory of the planet moved all through the trees and other plantlife of Pandora. Fine. Also, I would imagine that other smaller creatures (and perhaps some of the larger creatures we don’t see ridden) have their owns means of interacting with the tree-force. Much like how every animal on the planet has found a way to use and process oxygen, the Pandoran animals have all found their own methods for taping the planet. However, the means by with the Na’vi and their various mounts interact is by using an identical set of tools suited to the purpose. It is highly unlikely that could have occurred through the independent evolution of the geni-tails in each species. This isn’t like dolphins and sharks deriving similar structural means to achieve survival and/or supremacy under similar circumstances. This would be like dolphins and sharks evolving to survive in their environment so well that they’re able to fuck and create little dolphin-sharks (which would be super-intelligent with 10 rows of teeth. Sequel to Deep Blue Sea anyone?). As I said, highly unlikely.

So, with the premise that the geni-tails is a essential organ shared by several of the large Pandoran species, this leads me to wonder what happens to all the creatures that by reason of defect or mutation have a geni-tail that functions even slightly differently than the usual. This wouldn’t just be a case of inability to reproduce, but an inability to become an adult, hunt or travel long distances. It’s the equivalent of being born a hermaphrodite and discovering that this prevents you from finding a mate, driving to the grocery store or crossing the street. What happens to these people? Are they shunned from society? Do they go like the hunchback in 300 and betray their own people? Circling back to the original conversation, forget the pretty people.

I want to see some Na’vi porn about the seedy underbelly of the Pandoran utopia, which for some reason in my head is a mashup of Crash (the fucked up one, not the annoying one) and Avatar……..I think I’ll stop now.

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