Son of a Quote Whore
Stop Ben Lyons: Blog Review / Daniel Carlson
Blog Reviews | October 29, 2008 | Comments ()
Ben Lyons is the son of film critic Jeffrey Lyons. I use the term “film critic” loosely, because while around these here parts we tend to take our movies seriously (even when we tear them apart), Lyons and his boy are nothing but quote whores of the worst kind, dreck-peddlers who attach “Sensational!” to review blurbs just so they’ll be used in ads and the critics can get famous, nevermind the fact that they’re misleading the public and engaging in general douchebaggery. One of the many great things about Pajiba is that we don’t write in stereotypical blurbs; hell, it takes a full paragraph just to get our points across on the DVD release round-ups. But Lyons is all about that stuff, and that makes him just plain horrible.
Ben Lyons recently became the co-host of “At the Movies,” the former Roger Ebert vehicle that has since become a laughable and horribly retarded version of its old self. Sensing (rightly) that this man needs to be stopped, a dude named Scott has launched Stop Ben Lyons, devoted to chronicling Ben’s increasingly inane activities and reviews. The blog implores readers to stop Ben Lyons “before he destroys the fabric of American cinema,” which, though admittedly a bit of Lyonsian hyperbole, isn’t too far from the truth. So what can you do?
1. Read the blog, comment, pass it on.
2. Play around with Ben Lyons’ Wikipedia page. I’m writing this at 9:28 p.m., Oct. 27, 2008, and I swear to you someone already made Lyons’ bio read like the following. I am not making any of this up:
To most of his friends and acquaintances, Ben is considered a douche bag for his boisterous attitude and overabundance of self-love. However, to the general public (and to himself, but only on lonely Thursdays), Ben is known as The Infamous Quote Whore, a.k.a. Ben Lyons, Super-Mega Douche. Lyons first earned his incredibly accurate moniker on the playground in second grade, when a recess bully attack on a then eight-year-old Ben was quickly thwarted by his father’s ever-expanding cheque book. Upon being saved, Ben exclaimed, “Intense! Incredible! The best recess of all-time!” and was then quoted in the school news paper the following Monday. He has since made a complete “career” out of his simple, uninspired talent to provide interchangeable adjectives in any given situation.
There’s no telling who wrote that or how long that will last, but have fun playing with it.
3. If you actually ever see Ben Lyons, punch him in the balls. You will probably not see him unless you are a celebrity on your way to somewhere important or to hang out with genuine or non-douchey people, but still, you never know when fate will intervene and put you in front of the enemy.
Daniel Carlson is the managing editor of Pajiba and a low-level employee at a Hollywood industry magazine. You can visit his blog, Slowly Going Bald.
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