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Perez Hilton

May 13, 2006 | Comments ()




The (Nauseating) World According to Perez



Our First and Only Blog Review / Dustin Rowles

Blog Reviews | May 13, 2006 | Comments ()


At the risk of offending anyone who has steered your way here from PerezHilton.com, it is with some reluctance that I report in Pajiba’s first and only blog review that Mr. Hilton — whose real name is the far less sexy Mario Lavandeira — makes my very short list for most reviled person in the blogosphere. I would’ve never imagined a blogger who could actually elicit the same reaction in me that a viewing of Eight Below or (gasp!) First Daughter could, and yet Hilton fits that description. He’s repugnant, phony, and petty — and those are his most redeeming qualities. Indeed, he is to gossip blogs what Matt Drudge is to political ones: a vainglorious, self-absorbed twit, who substitutes his own brand of obvious wordplay and “OMIGOD He’s soooo gay!” musings for the observational wit and tawdry intelligence of bloggers like the folks at Gawker Media and Idontlikeyouinthatway.

Listen: I’m not an expert on gossip blogs; Pajiba tried to enter that province once, about a year ago and for only about three weeks, before we learned just how difficult it is to churn out smart and/or amusing ruminations on the banality of our pop culture icons several times a day. But I do know this: The better gossip blogs out there are more than a collection of paparazzi photos, photoshopped arrows, and multiple exclamation points, which is what PerezHilton.com amounts to. Well, to be fair, Mario does like to insert himself into his own “reported” gossip, making himself not only the gossip whore but a pseudo-celebrity prostitute, which makes for a quite an acrobatic blow job(!).

Even before the Gawker/Perez flap (which only the more astute gossip blog readers would either know or care about), it had become obvious that Hilton had taken whatever small amount of dignity he’d acquired stringing exclamation points together and exchanged it for a quick jaunt as the blogging world’s most notorious starfucker. He has forgotten what separates bloggers like Jessica Morgan, Ana Marie Cox, Jenny, and Mark Lisanti from both the paparazzi and their tabloid fodder. Indeed, Perez Hilton has sold the blogging world out in his quest to become not only the slavering prisoner of his own lust for celebrity but an object of desire himself, only there is absolutely nothing to desire about Hilton’s fuck-me grin, ersatz fashion, and overweening visage. Indeed, a quick examination of his blog reveals the depths to which Mario has sunk: He can hardly add any photo in which he’s not standing alongside a celebrity conspicuously mugging for the camera; if he’s not in the picture, he etches glowing, self-absorbed Perezcentric messages onto them; and as a gay man, he can’t even respect his own goddamn sexual identity. A piece of advice, Perez: You’re not winning over legions of gay men by referring to Clay Aiken as your “friend in faggotry,” or Bryan Singer as a “homo chicken chaser.” Self-deprecation can be funny, but self-fulfilling stereotypes, not so much.

For sure, Perez does have his legion of fans, who must appreciate the ability to string together a sequence of typos and grammatical errors to form a series of mostly incoherent sentence fragments. I can only imagine his minions consist mostly of portly 16-year-old girls from small towns who don’t have any self-respecting gay men of their own to latch onto, so they choose Mario, who is the closest thing to “Will & Grace’s” Jack McFarland they can find on the net. But like Jack, Perez’s antics wore thin about five minutes before they even began, and no amount of grotesque parody or overexposure will make them any more amusing. Still, I do hope that his 15 minutes extend for as long as Pajiba is around; so long as Paul Walker keeps making movies, I’m going to need the sort of self-loathing, celebrity-hating inspiration that only Perez Hilton can provide. Thanks, Mario!

Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba and managing partner of its parent company, which prefers to remain anonymous for reasons pertaining to public relations. He lives in Ithaca, New York.



Comments

In the words of Al Swearengen, “I’ll try touching the moon before working on a whore’s thinking.”

Posted by: brandt at February 16, 2006 12:38 AM

So wait-a-minute now! Woah, woah, let me get this straight…

That Perez guy… He’s…

Perez… Perez is… gay?

Yeah, that site is absolute trash. But I had to click on your link to it to find that out. So this review has probably just increased his web traffic by about half the web traffic of Pajiba.

Even if it is just people dropping in and wishing him a merry cancer and a happy new aneurism.

Posted by: KickInTheAss at February 16, 2006 01:04 AM

Look Dustin if you guys reviewed the back of cereal boxes I would read it.

I visit every day and when there is nothing new i roam around the old reviews. Doesnt say much for my social ife but it says a lot about the site.

keep the reviews coming -I’ll read ‘em.

Posted by: Thaf at February 16, 2006 02:44 AM

Review anything you want! I come here to enjoy reading things get trashed with high-brow prose and cuss words. I’m glad you dont just do movies anymore.

Posted by: Applejack at February 16, 2006 04:07 AM

Great review, although I would have peppered it with a little bit more of Perez’s transgressions such as being accused by the messageboard JJB for stealing their photos. I confess, I used to go there, but I got sick of his psuedo-homosexuality and the fact that blogs like Gawker run circles around him.

I predict he’ll still diss you in a blog post so he can get people to write “ooh PErex youre the best!!!” while trying to combat the spammers that live on his site, trying to prevent the regulars from making conversation in the comments…as usual.

Posted by: Penny Woods at February 16, 2006 08:46 AM

i’m actually surprised he hasnt responded here yet. ::shrug:: maybe he realizes hes out matched.

review whatever you want, even sports! i’ll be honest, i loved your superbowl review. just give me more to read!

and thanks for literally THE BEST movie reviews ANYWHERE. you guys are the only ones i trust these days.

Posted by: matt at February 16, 2006 09:29 AM

the funny thing is i read perezhilton.com and idontlikeyouinthatway.com everyday and enjoy them both. i read this site about 2 or 3 times a week….or whenever you have an update. i enjoy them all. i really see no difference in perez and idontlike. they’re both gossip sites and they both report on the same stuff. maybe your trying to get into “jenny’s” pants and are insecure with your manhood so your trash the gay? not sure, but to trash one site and praise the other is extremely hypocritical considering they are almost mirror images.

Posted by: mike at February 16, 2006 10:22 AM

I agree with all the comments encouraging Pajiba to review other stuff besides movies and television shows.

I’ve never frequented gossip blogs, so the article above just provided me with hours of amusing reading.

Posted by: Jerce at February 16, 2006 11:08 AM

I’m in the unfortunate position of spending entirely way too much time in front of a computer for 8 hours a day. This has made me develop an unhealthy addiction to celebrity gossip blogs, aka junk food of the internet. Every one of the blogs you mention are not worth a wet shit. They “ruminate” as you put it on the most petty and trivial matters, such as who Jessica Simpson is fucking, when will Nicole Ritchie die from her eating disorder, and just how fat is Britney Spears planning to get. I’m ashamed of myself and feel dirty in a way I haven’t since I attended catholic school. Hi, my name is mutterhals, and I’m a celebrity-gossip-blogaholic. Please help me.

Posted by: mutterhals at February 16, 2006 11:09 AM

Ok, I’ve read Perez’s site, and, like performing self-abuse with the vacuum cleaner, it’s fun for a while, but then it really started to SUCK!! He does insert himself into everything…”I’m going to SUNDANCE!! I’m going to HOLLAND!!!” and so on. Then, he’ll diss the hell out of somebody, and as soon as he gets a chance to cozy up to that person, or that person’s friend/hairdresser/dog groomer/dental hygenist, he suddenly LOVES that person!!! Jesus, stay objective, will you?

But, in Perez’ defense….I did find the joy that is PAJIBA! thru his site and those hilarious ad pix.

Keep up the great reviews. I am in a community theatre group. Someone could review us! Hell, I agree with Thaf, I would read whatever Pajiba reviewed, and laugh my ass off! And, mutterhals, I also spend 8 hours a day in front of the computer, mostly alone, and I,too, am a Celebrity-gossip-blogaholic. Remember, admitting you have a problem is the first step to recovery.

Posted by: trixie from the gem at February 16, 2006 12:01 PM

Pot, kettle.

Posted by: ft at February 16, 2006 12:04 PM

So. Am I the only one who thinks this Perez guy looks like Matthew Lillard in the picture they put up?

Not that it means anything, but it’s sorta creepy…

Posted by: Spike at February 16, 2006 12:08 PM

I clicked on his link. I wish I hadn’t. Those are thirty seconds I’ll never get back. And I want them back, dadgumit!

I think y’all are hilarious, and I’ll keep reading your reviews (so long as you don’t get into porn, because Ew). And I think I can safely say that I don’t really care what perezhilton has to say, so long as he just hides over on his own pathetic little website and stays out of everyone else’s way.

Posted by: A Marine’s Wife at February 16, 2006 02:08 PM

I was going to click the link, but then I read the above post and decided I couldn’t afford to waste the 30 seconds at this point in my life. Thanks, Marine’s Wife. I’m going to beat my skull with a meat hammer for 30 seconds instead.

Posted by: Taffy Doublewide at February 16, 2006 03:27 PM

our culture’s bankruptcy created paris hilton, and perez is only spawn of that.
disheartened to see pajiba acknowledge perez’s existence.

Posted by: A.J. at February 16, 2006 03:47 PM

Again, this is another excellent review by Dustin. Kudos! I am quite embarrassed to admit that I actually do visit Mr. Hilton’s website. I actually stumbled upon it about six months or so ago and found it quite amusing at first. This was before he posted photos of himself and before he become Paris Hilton’s new best friend journalist, if that is what you could actually call him. At first he was very snide about celebrities like Paris Hilton and her cadre of amigas, aka Richie, Lohan, etc. However, the moment that he become friends with Hilton was when his website’s stock suddenly plummeted. He went from being a heartless blogger to a self-promoter and worshipping all things Lohan, Hilton, and Simpson. In its nascent era, his website was tolerable and enjoyable, but now, I feel actually ashamed for him. There is a point, at least I feel, where a person needs to step back and very much analyze what the hell they are doing and how their actions are going to impact their future. After his blog loses its lustre, Mario will not be able to become a credible individual ever again due to his blogging shenanigans. He is an atrocious speller and a grammarian’s worst nightmare. I cringe at all the errors on his blog. He has lost any sort of obejectivity, as if he had any to begin, on his blog. He will not post possible hurtful happennings in some celebrities lives, nor will he post about other happennings that most other media outlets are. Furthermore, most of his postings are appealing only to people who are now just tall enough to ride a rollercoaster. I do not mean to belittle or demean Mr. Hilton. I find it somewhat promising that someone at least in this world is getting paid to do something that they genuinely love. Nonetheless, it is dishartening when a man is getting paid to blog and trot the globe but can’t spend a few more hours posting a coherent and grammarian accessible blog. In any case, I still have hope that Mr. Hilton will surprise me and post something relevent and witty, thus, my only reason why I still return. However, in the end, Mr. Hilton, like his pseudo-cousin Paris, will win because whether or not you like his blog you still visited it and are talking about it.

Posted by: Lizzie at February 16, 2006 05:50 PM

Ok, nobody ever accused Perez Hilton of being high literature or even high tabloid. Sure it sucks that Mario is too high on himself to behave within the constraints of civility, but really, people, he “reports” on some of the basest human existence, CELEBRITY. If we weren’t so terribly interested in how Jen’s doing or if “Brangelina” is going to have six children or 19, then Perez wouldn’t be such a popular stop for those who like the schadenfreude of it all.



In this country we reward liars and those who like to “color” the truth (see James Frey, still on the bestseller list, and much of the current Bush Administration). Perez has turned it into his/her own little art form, and as stupid as (s)he may be, some of it is funny and even a little true. Bryan Singer IS a dirty chicken hawk. I actually see him all the time, and the boys he totes around get ever younger to the point where I actually fear for what he is doing to them/with them. If Perez chooses to poke fun at him, he’s pretty much brought it on himself.



Perez is a lot of things, but as loathesome as Mario may be to you and others, you’re all talking about him, and thereby giving him exactly what he wants.

Posted by: Spiff at February 16, 2006 07:46 PM

To the functionally retarded individual above (Mike) who stated that PerezHilton.com and IDontLikeYouInThatWay.com are the same:

Obviously you have never visited these 2 sites, or you have the judgment of Joey Buttafucco. The sites are COMPLETELY F’N DIFFERENT. (excuse me for yelling, but I couldn’t help myself). IDLYITW is actually crafted to be funny, and has a good assortment of high-rez pictures of the famously moronic of our society, usually doing something stupid. PH is just retarded gay jokes and pics of Mario’s talentless monkey-face with pink crap everywhere.

Mike, Pajiba is right and you are wrong. W.R.O.N.G.

Posted by: john at February 16, 2006 07:57 PM

I used to read PH, and still check it out when really bored, but I got really tired of his fame whoring. And he was clearly using the site to exact revenge for petty grievences with petty people. I got to Pajiba through IDLYITW, which I still read every day. Jenny is funny and self mocking, Perez is just self agrandizing.

Posted by: shelly at February 16, 2006 09:56 PM

I have many sites bookmarked as “Entertainment” that I check daily. PerezHilton.com holds the record for the fastest clearing of a bookmark I’ve ever performed.

His site is simply atrocious. Beyond the rampant misspelling and creative grammar, the height of hilarity for Hilton is to post a picture of an alleged closeted celebrity and add faux cumstains around their mouth with “Microsoft Paint.” PAINT, people! Then, just when you think it’s as funny as it’s going to get, he crudely adds an arrow pointing to the celebrity with the word “FAG” in an illiterate scrawl. Jesus wept.

For added horror, visit his message boards. There, you’ll find that Perez has his own legion of sycophants who hang on his every word, and who make his squealing Paris Hilton posts look like the Wall Street Journal. Jesus wept, took to cutting, and started writing shitty Goth poetry.

Posted by: Craig at February 16, 2006 10:48 PM

Great review. And timely too, since just last weekend I swore to myself I wouldn’t feed my celebrity-gossip addciton with the shite found at Perez Hilton’s site anymore. It’s all about him, him, him, which is boring, boring, boring.

If you like your celebrity gossip served with wit & flair, check out lainey:

http://www.laineygossip.com/ArticleList.aspx

Posted by: lyra at February 17, 2006 12:13 AM

You all can even review fonts and I’ll read it. Yeah, fonts, as in serif, sans-serif, Times New Roman, that kind of shit. Diversification works.

Posted by: Skorp at February 17, 2006 05:00 AM

Have you guys seen that site Media Take Out. It seems to have come from nowhere and has some of the best scoops on the web. Now they’re reporting that Black minister Hezekiah Walker is gay.

There’s no commentary so it’s not as fun as sites like dlisted or popsugar or socialitelife, but it’s stories are way better.

[Publisher’s Note: It’s all untrue.]

Posted by: landy at February 17, 2006 06:38 AM

Oh come on now, give the boy a break. If you had as much fluid pressing on your brain as Perez obviously does, you’d do and say some strange things yourself. I mean just look at him. He gives all self respecting hydrocephalics a bad name. It has got to be hell trying to balance that incredibly huge cranium on those shoulders 24/7. And then he’s got those Clydesdale teeth to deal with. Frankly, he looks like a cross between Bessie the mule and Mama Cass.

Posted by: Britley2014 at February 17, 2006 08:18 AM

Notice the other bloggers jumping on the chance to spam their own yawn-tastic blogs.

Posted by: lol at February 17, 2006 09:14 AM

Anyone who willing touches Paris Hilton (Perez), deserves what’s coming to him: a hell of a lot of criticism and about six STDs.

Posted by: marty at February 17, 2006 10:02 AM

another idea for some new posts to fill the dead time of the week: why not review some old “classics” that came out before this site was around? you could review some of the movies you all liked best for a long time (personal fav: “titus”. id love to see your impressions), and even some of the “guilty pleasures” we all have (i’ll admit it despite my shame, i dont hate “starship troopers,” please dont stone me for it).



altho, being a designer, i literally could read and enjoy a review on fonts, suggested by Skorp above.

Posted by: matt at February 17, 2006 11:03 AM

Fonts… mmmmm. Of the widely and freely available, I like Palatino.

Posted by: Skorp at February 17, 2006 11:40 AM

“Notice the other bloggers jumping on the chance to spam their own yawn-tastic blogs.”

I take it this was aimed at my post. I don’t even have a blog. Unlike Perez, I don’t have a burning interest in self-promotion. I just recently discovered laineygossip.com and wanted to share the celebrity-gossip-blogaholic joy/shame with others who might be seeking an alternative to Perez.

But then again, if you want to mistake me for lainey, go right ahead, she’s younger, wittier & prettier than me.

Posted by: lyra at February 17, 2006 11:55 AM

Garamond. Love the Garamond. Although I also like Palatino, Skorp, and your Georgia is nice, too, Pajiba.

Posted by: Tim at February 17, 2006 12:01 PM

great article!

Posted by: Tara at February 17, 2006 01:15 PM

Perez licked dick in ‘92.

Posted by: matt at February 17, 2006 01:16 PM

this is beyond wonderful. i had literally just finished posting a comment expressing sentiment remarkably similar to dustin’s on the actual perez hilton site when i decided to click over here to pajiba. lo and behold, for i am consoled. i am so happy i am not the only one who has realized mario lavandeira’s irritating “selling out.” the refreshing point of celebrity blogs is precisely not to kiss ass, and mario seems to have surrendered his lips to the great hollywood rear like so many sheep-like weaklings do. bravo on your astute and accurately worded observations - keep the reviews coming.

Posted by: marshu at February 17, 2006 02:12 PM

Ugh, Perez Hilton sucks. I much prefer www.pinkisthenewblog.com!

Posted by: Aly at February 17, 2006 02:34 PM

Though I’ve only recently fallen into celebrity gossip blogs, it took less than a minute to determine that Perez Hilton would not join my bookmarks. Blech.

I, for one, would be happy to read more TV or blog reviews in the inimitable Pajiba style on ‘movieless’ days.

Fonts: Trebuchet lovers represent!

Posted by: Ali “Lampshade” Dead at February 17, 2006 02:49 PM

Speaking of mirror images, Perez Hilton and Pink is the New Blog are practically pink mirrored images of one another.

Posted by: mirror on the wall at February 17, 2006 02:56 PM

I actually came to this site from GoFugYourself and theSuperficial.

I’m glad I’m not the only one that want’s to seriously harm PH. He isn’t even a gossip site any more, not when all of his postings are about him. I don’t understand WHY people even go to his site, he’s not funny and he wouldn’t know wit if it smacked him upside his face.

Oh and I pretty much do what everyone else does and that is read WHATEVER you guys post. Hell half the movies I’m not even interested in but at any given time you will find me on this site reading said movie reviews.

(i.e. the dogsled movie with Paul, can’t act, Walker.)

Posted by: Virenda at February 17, 2006 03:19 PM

you nailed every reason that makes me loathe perez so much i really don’t know anyone that find him even remotely amusing and charming.

Posted by: c at February 17, 2006 04:03 PM

I see your ad isn’t on perezhilton.com anymore. Did he take it down because of this article, or did he take it down before this, and that’s why you wrote it?

Posted by: cleo at February 17, 2006 05:02 PM

Just so you know, you got mentioned at ONTD, which is filled with bubbling Perez hate. You may have new fans on the way.

http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/5596013.html

Posted by: Mike at February 17, 2006 05:43 PM

Well said Dustin.

Posted by: candy at February 17, 2006 06:07 PM

“i’m actually surprised he hasnt responded here yet. ::shrug:: maybe he realizes hes out matched.”

Perhaps Perez hasn’t responded because there is no reason to? I certainly wouldn’t respond to a seven paragraph dissertation on a gossip blog by another blogger. That would be like responding to someone who wrote an in depth review of Star Magazine or Life & Style!

However, I’m sure Perez aprreciates your review as well as the money you spend weekly on his site to advertise your blog.

On second thought, I think Perez just appreciates your money.

Sucka!

p.s. enjoy the hits that you garnered by creating e-drama. I’m sure your numbers will be back to normal by Monday.

Posted by: haha at February 17, 2006 06:35 PM


yes! Finally!!!!! I HATE PEREZ!!!!!!

Posted by: SAL at February 17, 2006 07:28 PM

“haha” barely beat out “neenerneenerneener” as a witty screen name, apparently.

Posted by: Craig at February 17, 2006 08:25 PM

Seriously, spell check takes five seconds. Well in his case five minutes. Although most blogs are narcissistic, Perez gives new meaning.

I love IDLYITW, Todd and Jenny are fabulous.

Posted by: shanon at February 17, 2006 08:28 PM

Re: “haha” - it would appear Perez has said nothing of this article on his site because he is too busy bragging about his consumption of various drugs and posting pictures of his big, high face on his blog while on his trip to Amsterdam. When he sobers up he’ll compose what I’m sure will be a witty and eloquent retort. Something like yours which will be colored with words like “thanks for the hits, suckaz”, “closet homos”, “F you”, etc.

Posted by: DEA at February 17, 2006 08:44 PM

I also must confess to a dark addiction to celebrity blogs. Perez is by far at the bottom of the heap with his tawdry self-promotions and pathetic photoshopped pictures. Also, Perez, along with the Superficial can always be counted on being the last to report any decent gossip, but at least the Superficial is mildly enteraining. With the exception of Gawker, none of them are really that good. Michael K at D-Listed has a wicked sense of humor, but the bored hags that hang out on his comments board and do nothing but post stupid shit 24/7 bring it down a notch.
For something more um…”unique” I would check out the Church of Annette. It’s not for the easily offended, so if you can’t handle Pink Flamingos-esque humor, look elsewhere.
I’ll go to Perez’s site simply to see this trainwreck of a monkey-boy make an ass of himself to anyone remotely famous who will give him the time of day. It’s a bit like Flavor of Love- so bad you just have to check it out. I hate contributing to his traffic, but at the same time I’m a sucker for tasteless, embarrassing grandstanding. And that is where Perez’s talent- if you could even call it that- lies.
Plus, if it wasn’t for Perez, I would not have stumbled upon Pajiba where I can continue to feed my never-ending lust for pop culture and erudite movie reviews. Keep up the good work!!!

Posted by: Gauche little girl from Iowa at February 17, 2006 10:06 PM

get over yourself. your a blogger…

Posted by: your mom at February 17, 2006 11:58 PM

Thankyou for validating everything I ever thought about that tawdry little attention seeker.

Obviously, he tries to portray himself in the most flattering light on his site. But even these attempts are pathetic. In response to someone else’s comment about Mario having a shitty highschool experience, I actually think he WAS the shitty highschool experience that so many people had. A sycophantic (spelling) ass who couldn’t figure out the ‘in’ crowd was publicly humiliating him.

What a jerk.

PS Those comments about “Baby Zahara” if true, only serve to show us what an absolute moral vacuum the real P Hilton is.

Posted by: Miss Haversham at February 18, 2006 12:07 AM

Yes, “mom” Dustin and Perez are both bloggers. Norman Mailer and Dean Koontz are both novelists. Martin Scorsese and Renny Harlin are both directors. It isn’t the medium; it’s how it’s used. If you think what the writers at Pajiba do is equivalent to what Perez does, you should spend more time at his site (let the punishment fit the crime, I say).

Posted by: Tim at February 18, 2006 12:53 AM

You guys should review DVDs if you’re bored during the week, fuck Perez.

Posted by: Stew at February 18, 2006 02:12 AM

I’ve written some ace anti-Perez commentary on my blog:

Posted by: Brandon at February 18, 2006 02:47 AM

oh get over yourself. my God. Like Perez needs your positive review to keep his site going.

Posted by: no one cares at February 18, 2006 03:53 AM

Why did you cross out the story above about Hezekiah Walker? I go to his church, it’s 100% true. He’s as gay as Liberace.

Posted by: ShellyG at February 18, 2006 07:00 AM

I’ve read Perez since back in the six six six days and he is still funny as ever. I could fund something wrong with pretty much every blog site on the net (except Go Fug Yourself…utter perfection). I guess, to me, it just seems like jealousy on the most part…

Posted by: Maddie at February 18, 2006 08:54 AM

Finally, something on which we can all agree! Perez is indeed just as funny now as he has always been! You know, in the “not at all” sense.

Posted by: Craig at February 18, 2006 11:58 AM

You ADVERTISE on this guy’s site and you devote a whole column to how lame he is?

Pathetic. I mean, who gives a shit about this Perez guy, he makes no claim to be anything other than a “gossip queen”. But your pretentions aim a little higher, which makes your nastiness all the more sad.

Posted by: whatsyerbeef at February 18, 2006 03:24 PM

Why do so many people who come on here to dis the staff resort to cocksucking insults? Freud’s not just spinning in his grave, he’s caroming around the cemetery.

Posted by: Craig at February 18, 2006 03:40 PM

“You ADVERTISE on this guy’s site and you devote a whole column to how lame he is?

Pathetic. I mean, who gives a shit about this Perez guy, he makes no claim to be anything other than a “gossip queen”. But your pretentions aim a little higher, which makes your nastiness all the more sad.”


Testify!

p.s. I hope you have Craig on the Payroll. He’s a very dedicated cocksucker poster and always makes sure to type a witty and or relevant comment after every post.

Posted by: A new motto for Pajiba: LOLZ We take the Internets Seriously! at February 18, 2006 04:11 PM

I was reading the reviews on Pajiba LONG before the gossip blogs sprang up. I appreciate the wit and wisdom, the brutal honesty and insight that Dustin and the others provide. Honestly, review whatever you like or dislike on Pajiba (I enjoy the TV reviews) and I’ll happily continue reading.

Posted by: Spender at February 18, 2006 04:14 PM

Well said. I absolutely hate Perez, his website used to be alright until he started sucking up to Paris Hilton and all those other stupid celebrities. He’s such a celeb whore now, it’s embarassing.

Posted by: Rachel at February 18, 2006 04:37 PM

Wow. I’m shocked that a post about Perez gets so many responses!

yes Perez has sold out. he’s fallen for the cult of celebrity and has started to believe his own hype. yes he is a pathetic loser. and after the attack by Gawker and now by Pajiba, i’d say his days are seriously numbered. ha ha.

Posted by: celia at February 18, 2006 05:25 PM

Uhg. I, Sparker, am a gossip addicted star fucker. However, I also pick up a book now and again, and actually enjoy well written sites. Defamer.com (sister site of Gawker) rocks.

Yet perez did give us the Mariah Carey nickname “Mooriah”
Hmmm.

Posted by: sparker at February 18, 2006 05:46 PM

I’m still appalled that “Mike” from waaaaay above in the comments said that IDLYITW and Perez Hilton’s site were mirror images of each other.

Indeed, Jenny is a very pretty girl… but to say that they whole basis of this reveiw was Dustin’s desire to “get in her pants”, and that he trashed Perez’s site bescause he’s “insecure in his manhood” is utterly ridiculous.

Posted by: Chantelle at February 18, 2006 06:17 PM

Perez can definately be annoying but he’s on my list of gossip blogs I check ever few days.

Not fair to insult his fans as fat 16 year old girls from small towns. What did they ever do to you??!!

Lainey is the best. So biting and harsh. She says everything you’re thinking but keep to yourself.

http://www.laineygossip.com

Posted by: Kiki at February 18, 2006 06:22 PM

Pajiba, if you want ot be a success, follow the Pink is the New Blog formula.

What do dorky, ex-band nerds talk on their blog? Let’s look back at Trent’s blog from 2004:

http://trent.blogspot.com/2004_11_13_trent_archive.html

What do dorky, ex-band nerds talk about when they want a blog that attracts an audience, advertising dollars and gets the attention of movie studios and celebs:

http://trent.blogspot.com/2005_12_28_trent_archive.html

Boy, it didn’t take Trent to long to figure out the formula: Mix one part Paris Hilton, 2 parts Perez Hilton, 1 part Defamer, shake until regurgitated and serve over pink ice—to attract the 16 year old girls.

To have a successful blog, I repeat, do not talk about yourself on your blog—talk about other, much cooler people.
It’s called transference. Connect yourself to a cool person and people think you’re cool! But still call it a blog (online diary) so you can still get away with posting copyrighted images without getting in trouble.

Ahhhhh, it’s true what they say, Trent is brilliant!

Posted by: :) at February 18, 2006 07:04 PM

what this “review” really is would be YOUR OWN egotistical ramblings. You are just a pissy sorry little shmuck upset because you bought into Perez. You are the tool! devoting this much time to a review does not redeem yourself for being a SUCKER and contributing to the Perez payroll. you are right, you are no expert on bloggers, you are an expert at whiney bitching. get over yourself, you fug LOSER

Posted by: loser at February 18, 2006 10:18 PM

Gawker.com is owned by a couple of jews.

Posted by: Terry at February 18, 2006 11:37 PM

I think http://fadedyouth.blogspot.com started this revolt

Posted by: maya at February 18, 2006 11:39 PM

Hi. I’m a dumpster. Feel free to toss all your trash (ie: all of the spammers’ comments above) here.

Posted by: dumpster at February 19, 2006 12:14 AM

The Perez Hilton site has bored the piss out of me for the last time. He hardly ever updates and when he does it is all about Perez Hilton. I refuse to visit his site again and put money in his pocket. He went to “Hollywood’s Most Hated Website” to the “Queen of all Media”. It was fun in the beginning. He was clever with his comments. Then Paris Hilton took a photo with him and he thought he was her new best friend. Now he wants to be a celebrity. The title Queen of all Media is a joke. Unless you are a huge Perez Hilton fan don’t waste your time going there.

Posted by: Tired of it at February 19, 2006 02:57 AM

HEY! I LOVE PEREZ! AND PROUD OF IT!

Posted by: EMMA W at February 19, 2006 12:03 PM

So true. He IS a phony who sucks up to “celebrities” like Parasite Hilton and his beloved Lindsay Morgan Lohan. ugh.

Posted by: natalia at February 20, 2006 12:41 AM

Loved it, Dustin.

Perez is a rare breed of fame whore: the wannabe hanger-on. It’s the most pathetic and desperate of the bunch.

I love celebrity gossip blogs, and I’m not ashamed of it. But Perez isn’t funny like Michael K or high-brow like Gawker/Defamer, or anything. I imagine if I met him, I would channel that flamboyant kid in School Of Rock and just say, “You’re tacky and I hate you!”

Posted by: Katie at February 20, 2006 02:47 PM

that guy’s head is HUGE.

and i don’t mean figuratively. that is all.

Posted by: the-ian at February 20, 2006 02:54 PM

I suggest you read these comments with a grain of salt.. some of these commenters are the sick followers of one such blog mentioned above.I will not even mention it, but a very twisted individual runs that blog and it should not be compared to any other gossip blog on the net.It is full of hatred for women and others,and I just hope teens who are reading it, well I hope that their parents know where on the internet they are going too. As far as Perez, I agree with you totally.His blog used to be very witty but its full of mostly himself and not very funny or accurate. I do enjoy the reviews on this site…

Posted by: Destiny at February 24, 2006 06:02 PM

What blog are you talking about, Destiny?

Posted by: no name at February 25, 2006 02:16 AM

I can’t help but notice that a lot of the above comments completely missed the point of the review. The point being that many, many people, such as myself, enjoy seeing it cleverly and wittily pointed out when something is badly done by an idiot. Of course Pajiba won’t bring down Perez Hilton; obviously there are enough morons to keep his site popular. But there is a difference between self-important drivel and a thorough and vicious critique. You just read the latter. And honestly, it took only a glance at each site to see that IDLYITW is on a completely different level than Perez. For instance, IDLYITW had paragraphs. With good grammar. And real humor.

So, people of Pajiba, please review anything, ANYTHING. It will give me just one more thing to look forward to every night.

Posted by: Claire at February 26, 2006 02:42 AM

I gave up on perez when he started dissin’ babies on his site.

Posted by: anon at February 27, 2006 08:57 AM

God, I love it when you say ‘ersatz.’

Perez reminds me of Bobby Trendy. Narcissitic Personality Disorder and all.

Posted by: Mrs. Olson at February 27, 2006 01:06 PM

I think you might have missed the best days of Perez, before he got this last share of fame. I still like reading his site, but I feel like the last burst of attention defocused him from the enjoyment of making fun of everyone and just made him want to be part of the crowd he mocked. I would rather stand outside with him and laugh at us all. Because he can be funny.


What would improve IDLYITW and other gossip blogs would be updates on the weekends as well. I can’t quite figure out why Fug and Jenny and Todd and the Superficial think they get to take weekends off. I have to make do with PopSugar and let me tell you, it’s a pretty weak substitute.

Posted by: kate mckinnon at February 27, 2006 07:32 PM

I think Destiny means The Superficial.

Posted by: CMD at March 2, 2006 08:44 AM

After reading your artcile about parez, i am now one of your biggest fan. We posted an ad on your site today because it makes me sick that star fucker parez get so many hits. We’re in your court. Wet sloppy kisses to pajiba!

Posted by: jadedcreative at March 5, 2006 11:51 AM

Perez’ homophobia is confusing - why the hatred to the suspected or closeted?

Lately, if it’s not bile-laden commentary on the unsubstantiated Clay Aiken “affair” the only thing Perez/Mario has on his site are pictures of his own ginormous head stuck up some celeb’s arse, sniffing the effluent of fame. In true yellow journalism style, Perez chooses to continue his virulent attacks against Aiken, taking the word of a pornstar as undeniable proof — and we all know that pornstars are revered for their honesty and civic-mindedness. It’s as if Perez tried to cozy up to Clay and got denied… Waaiiiiiit a minute. I think that’s it! Mario was spurned, and has decided to “get that bitch”! Grow up Mari…

Before his 15 minutes are up, Mario should at least use some of his ill-gotten gains to invest in a graphics tablet so he can draw some nicer arrows on the photos, or perhaps get some head-reduction surgery, or have his mouth stapled.

Posted by: splinter at March 5, 2006 01:50 PM

Yeah, Perez has gone WAY downhill. He used to be somewhat funny but there’s nothing funny about him anymore. Nothing but pics of him and his nobody-you’ve-ever-heard-of friends drinking. Yawn. Go Fug Yourself is the best for wit and commentary, seconded only by IDLYITW, but I don’t even bother with Perez anymore. And yeah, I found Pajiba through the beloved Fug girls and finally found some really GOOD movie reviews. Yay Pajiba.

Posted by: jerkygirl at March 5, 2006 10:24 PM

I would love for you to review IDLYITW. Please! Please! Please! Please! The site is awesome!!

Posted by: Please at March 6, 2006 10:29 PM

Dont know, didnt care at first who this was but I find it interesting that the bigger blogging conglomerates feel so threatened by someone they call a joke that they cant stop attacking him.

But I guess everyone needs their own ni**er to feel superior to; the mainstream media diss the big Gawker-like blog companies as being poseurs and now we have these same multimillion dollar companies doing the same to a single, talentless hack.
Could it be that you see yourself in him and it is nothing more tahn self loathing?

As for his success, millions of people also listen to howard stern drone on about himself for 4-5 hours a day. I dont understand it but doenst mean it will disappear either.

And as much as his obvious self-love probably can be annoying to someone who goes to his site every day, he has the BALLS to put himself out there.

Most blogger gossip columnists are anonymous which is another word for chicken shit.
Actually, they are anonymous so the companies can change writers without your knowing and not create a bond with a name-person that readers could then follow when said writer moves on.

WHen Superficial and all those smart alecky gossip sights have the authors sign their name to their rants, THEN we can talk.
Until then anonymous cowards (/. reference) have nothing to say that should be taken seriously.

Posted by: zeke at March 14, 2006 12:24 PM

I disagree with Zeke. I don’t go to a celeb gossip/pop culture junkie blogs to look at the person who’s writing it. I don’t care. They’re not celebs. I don’t even like celebs. I like the bloggers who make fun of stars and don’t try to make stars of themselves in the process.

Posted by: Nope at March 14, 2006 11:31 PM

I am getting fed up with people trashing Perez for self-promotion!

Have you forgotten that this is a person whose only mode of communicating to his audiece …is something he sucks shit at?

Yes, the man is barely literate people!

Jesus.

So don’t even bother going into what he’s doing, why it’s a gross perversion of integrity, etc. Say it with me: his writing sucks shit. Which of course means that none of the rest of it even matters.

Posted by: What the? at March 16, 2006 05:10 AM

Perez is still the most irreverent Blogger covering Hollywood. Lighten up! It’s a quick read, at least 50% amusing, and of course he’s going to insert himself in his posts where he can. Isn’t that the whole point?

As ususal - turn the channel if you don’t want to watch.

Posted by: TT at March 20, 2006 08:53 PM

There was a time when I would drop by perezhilton.com for a mindless, silly waste of time. Then I realized, a few months ago, how vicious he is.

Maybe it’s because I’m a lesbian that I find his brand of self-loathing homophobia so repugnant. It was bad enough when I first noticed it and removed the site from my bookmarks. But when a friend told me a few weeks ago that he’d gotten worse, and sent me a link to an “article” (it’s just so difficult to think of anything he does as “writing”, and anything he talks about as “news” — or even “gossip” for that matter, because he’s gone far beyond reporting anything that actually happens!), I made the mistake of clicking on the link and saw that she wasn’t exaggerating when she said he was propagating anti-gay hatred there by encouraging the kind of bashing that one would think wouldn’t be so popular in 2006!

Either way, I’m generally a big blog reader, but rarely a comment poster. Perez made me so angry I came out of hiding once. Pajiba has done so by making me happy. Thanks.

Posted by: Amelia L at April 1, 2006 07:39 PM

There is even an Online Petition against him.

:)

Posted by: Yetused at April 22, 2006 04:18 AM



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