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Taylor Lautner Gets Another Movie For His Birthday

By Miscellaneous | | February 11, 2010 | Comments ()

By Miscellaneous | | February 11, 2010 |


taylorlautnerflex.jpg

Happy birthday, Taylor Lautner. I got you a movie to star in. What? You already have enough of those? And while I've been writing this they've given you another movie by splitting Breaking Dawn in two? It's okay, you can take it back. Here's the receipt from Generic Action Movies R Us. Or you can regift it to any number of young stars Hollywood has forgotten about while they devote all their attention on you...and that Avatar guy that nobody in the real world really gives a damn about.

Anyway, while you're wondering what to do with the present -- or more likely what strip club to attend now that you're 18 -- here are some bloggers who think you might want to slow down:


  • Vince Mancini at FilmDrunk:
    In case you haven't noticed, studio execs are really afraid to have their own opinion, so when one of them does something, the rest all try to copy him in case he happens to be right. Which can result in certain actors getting a billion roles before the public even decides whether they like him or not. Basically, two years ago's Shia Labeouf is last year's Sam Worthington is this year's Taylor Lautner.
  • Krystal Clark at ScreenCrave:
    Everyone wants a piece of Lautner as you can tell from his list of future films. He's been hired to tackle the live action adaptation of Max Steel, as well as Stretch Armstrong, and let's not forget about his action thriller, Northern Lights. The actor's turning himself into a brand that can stand independently outside of the Twilight universe.
  • Mark at I Watch Stuff:
    In case you haven't been following how casting agents are now using Tiger Beat as a casting reference, let me catch you up on the other films and roles you'll soon be seeing his powerful abs in:

    - Max Steel, playing super x-treme dude Max Steel.
    - Cancun, playing some sort of frat boy Steven Seagal who uses martial arts to save some spring break babes.
    - Northern Lights, playing an awesome pilot who is also muscular.
    - Stretch Armstrong, playing Stretch Armstrong, a guy with comically stretchy limbs.


  • John Lichman at Current Movies Blog:
    TAYLOR LAUTNER IS SO FUCKING IMPORTANT HE SHITS DIAMONDS. Or something.
  • Monika Bartyzel at Cinematical:
    It took Matt Damon 16 years to get to Bourne, after working up through drama, comedy, and some action. For Lautner? One co-starring turn in a super-popular teen flick.

    I will admit, he's got promise, but he's also got many years of evolution and growing as an actor before I'll buy him as so good he should score 5 large-scale lead roles in 3 months. Pace yourself, Taylor.

  • James St. James at The WOW Report:
    I don't know what it is. Something about him seems... different. Off. I can't quite put my finger on it. He looks... OLD all of a sudden, doesn't he? Decrepit. Past his prime. I mean, remember when he was, like, all YOUNG and CUTE? What happened to THAT Taylor? Bring HIM back! But WHATEVER. I'm just not into grizzled old men. You all can have him. I wash my hands of Grampa Lautner. NEEEEXT! MR BIEBER, YOU'RE UP!
  • Larry Carroll at Hollywood Crush:
    We want to wish him a happy birthday ... and then remind him that it's time to get back to work. Below are some notable figures who similarly had the world at their feet on their 18th birthday, and where they went from there: [...]

    ORSON WELLES

    Where he was at 18: Lying his way into theater by walking around Dublin proclaiming he was a Broadway star; after his electric performances on stage, word got back to the U.S. and he became exactly that. In the next ten years, Welles would become king of the stage and radio and make the greatest movie of all-time at age 26.

    Where he is now:
    Much more beloved in death than he ever was in life. Welles' initial brilliance as a prodigy quickly became viewed as ego-centric foolishness, and he spent decades trying to get failed projects off the ground. Meanwhile his weight increased, his reputation decreased, and he died after shilling frozen peas.

    Lesson for Taylor: If you have one-tenth of Welles' genius, you're bound for greatness. If you have one-tenth of his appetite for women, self-destruction or...well, food...then get ready to say goodbye to Jacob's washboard abs.




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