Hey, It's not like I'm Proud that I Liked It
Black Christmas / Jeremy C. Fox
As befits the season, Black Christmas is a movie filled with good cheer, a merry travesty of all the season is supposed to mean, with a killer in a Santa suit, candy and gifts used as weapons, and an evergreen prettily decorated with dismembered body parts. The plot is structured carelessly and follows no particular narrative logic, and the characters are all cardboard-thin, but anyone with a fondness for the slasher genre and a truly sick sense of humor will find it a welcome break from the season’s familiar family-friendly crap. In this remake of the 1974 quasi-classic, the girls of Delta Kappa Alpha are mostly dispersed for the holidays, with only a few stragglers and the sorority’s housemother around for the annual Christmas party and, naturally, to be picked off one by one.
The cast is full of familiar faces, particularly for fans of the genre, including SCTV’s Andrea Martin (who was in the original Black Christmas) as the housemother; Katie Cassidy, from the recent When a Stranger Calls remake; Mary Elizabeth Winstead and Crystal Lowe, from Final Destination 3; Michelle Trachtenberg, from “Buffy the Vampire Slayer”; Lacey Chabert, from “Party of Five”; and Kristen Cloke, from the first Final Destination (Cloke is also married to the film’s writer/director/producer, Glen Morgan). It’s helpful that the faces are recognizable, as that’s just about all we have to differentiate the characters. There are eight sorority sisters to keep straight, each with no more than one identifying characteristic, if that: Clair (Leela Savasta) is the one with the fraught relationship with the 12-years-older half-sister she barely knows; Heather (Winstead) is smart and cynical; Lauren (Lowe) is a bitchy drunk; Megan (Jessica Harmon) is still hung up on her ex-boyfriend, who’s now dating Kelli (Cassidy), who doesn’t know he and Megan were together.
Morgan was a writer and co-executive producer for “The X Files” (where he co-wrote such classic episodes as “Home”) and other science-fiction shows before co-writing the first and third of the Final Destination trilogy and writing, directing, and producing the 2003 remake of Willard. He clearly loves sci-fi and horror, and he has a knack for coming up with images and plots that are grisly and disturbing while still being funny in a sick, sick way. His goal in Black Christmas is not to individualize the girls and make you care about their fates, as writer Roy Moore and director Bob Clark did in the original, but to fill a sorority house with nubile victims and knock them off in ways that make us gag, then laugh, then gag at the realization that we’ve laughed. Or something like that. It takes a pretty perverse sensibility and a fair desensitization to violence and gore to titter at, say, a man making Christmas cookies out of his dead mother’s flesh, but for those who’ve seen the old genre tropes played straight a thousand times, it’s a welcome change of pace.
As far as the film’s narrative, though, what Morgan has to offer isn’t much more than a slightly fresher spin on familiar material, and that with dialogue that is often willfully (I hope) bad. The plot of the original Black Christmas became one of the fundamental slasher templates, and he’s done little to reinvigorate it, aside from tossing in a confusing and largely unnecessary backstory for the killer — one that recapitulates both overfamiliar killer-backstory elements and some of Morgan’s own pet themes. His talent shows, rather, in his visual imagination and in his ability to balance the film’s horror and its humor. Morgan is never satisfied with a straightforward camera setup or with a simple asphyxiation — not when he can shoot from a disorienting diagonal and give you an asphyxiation, eye-gouging, neck-breaking, and impalement all at once. It’s a heady mix, and one that I only grudgingly admire, but for slasher-movie fans, Morgan’s devilish inventiveness is nevertheless well worth fighting the holiday crowds at the multiplex. Just, for the love of God, leave Grampa and the kids at home.
Jeremy C. Fox is a founding critic of Pajiba and a member of the Online Film Critics Society.You may email him at jeremycfox[at]gmail.com.
Curse of the Golden Flower | | Pursuit of Happyness, The
Comments
Lacey Chabert deserves a mention for her breathtaking work in Lost In Space and Not Another Teen Movie, as well. Party of Five was only the beginning.
Posted by: Kitty X at December 28, 2006 10:54 AM
Lacy Chabert also deserves legitimate credit for Mean Girls. Give her a little bit of love for that, Kitty.
Perusing through the stock character descriptions, I noticed... what, no slut? Come ON. Every horror movie with an all-female cast has a the one easy girl! She's the first to go. Or, she falls for the nice boy in the end, and then one of them dies. How disappointing.
I confess, I have a strange addiction to movies like this, where it's somewhat tongue-in-cheek, and the deaths are funny and creative and revolting all at once. But I'll be damned if I pay 10 bucks to see it. Netflix, consider the notice served.
Posted by: TK at December 28, 2006 12:54 PM
any breasts legs or ass?? how about a heads up regarding skin??
Posted by: pasadenamike at December 28, 2006 4:13 PM
pasadenamike, don't be so damn lazy.
"Rated R for strong horror violence and gore, sexuality, nudity and language."
There. I ain't doin' yer dirty work again though. You can use filmratings.com as well as the next person.
Posted by: I Love Beets at December 28, 2006 4:31 PM
Okay, the gore was awesome, as were the odd camera angles. But come on, I needed more story substance. I love (lovelovelovelove) horror and slasher movies, but I left this one disappointed and a little confused.
Also, did anyone else's theatre show the trailer for "Blood and Chocolate" prior to the feature? What the hell is that piece of shyte about? I literally said "What the fuck?!" after the trailer was done, and had half of the theatre turn towards me and give me evil looks. Wow. Some studios will produce anything, won't they?
Posted by: Nadha at December 28, 2006 5:52 PM
Nadha, I saw that trailer too! It looked like An American Werewolf in Paris 2.0. Which is scary since AWIP is an AWFUL film, and Blood and Chocolate actually looks worse. Werewolf movie meets Dawson's Creek. Kill me.
Posted by: TK at December 28, 2006 6:51 PM
This was a dumb movie if ever I saw one. No plot whatsoever. Yeah I know its slasher but come on... the characters were absolutely tasteless, it was predictable. It wasn't fun. It was a waste of money. It is obviously aimed at those who want to look for something different than the crappy family friendly christmas movies but its equally crappy (in a different kind of way). Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause is probably more fun!
Posted by: Chris at December 28, 2006 6:54 PM
I'd probably see Santa Clause 3 if there were a reasonable chance the main characters would get gored and dismembered...
Posted by: Craig at December 28, 2006 10:14 PM
So "Blood and Chocolate" is not a making of documentary about the Elvis Costello ablum?
Posted by: Brian at December 29, 2006 8:49 AM
Blood and Chocolate was a pretty good young adult book about stupid werewolf girl falling in love with even stupider human boy.
I meant to see the trailer to see if they cocked up what was a halfway-decent book. Thanks for saving me the time. *sah*
Posted by: twig at December 29, 2006 11:41 AM
I've commented to my husband before how it used to be that horror/slasher movies only came out around Halloween. Now, they come out throughout the year. I guess the studios wanted an opportunity to suck all year long!
Posted by: rebel mama at December 29, 2006 11:52 AM
I'm torn. This sounds completely idiotic, and yet... Home was the only X-Files episode ever to actually scare the crap out of me, and I have a soft spot for Michelle Trachtenberg as a former rabid Buffy fan. I may have to go see this in spite of myself.
Posted by: lizatrix at December 29, 2006 1:54 PM
Jeremy, I think you were high. This movie sucked. I hope that the next person to remake a classic (or not so classic) horror/comedy/TVshow/cartoon/drama/romance/etc. is stabbed through the heart, eye, and liver with a candy cane.
Posted by: No Way at December 29, 2006 3:53 PM
Amen to the latter half of your comment, No Way.
Posted by: Nadha at December 29, 2006 4:27 PM
Okay, I knew from the start that this movie was no "Forrest Gump" okay, but shit, this movie honestly reminded me of something that may go a little bit like this: Asshole #1:"Hey dude, I just had a crazy fucking idea." Asshole #2"What is it, man?" Asshole #1:"Dude, I'm bored as fuck, let's use your dad's old camera and we can make a killer movie with your five sisters." Asshole #2"But, they can't act dude." Asshole#1"No, dude, don't worry about it, there's not going to be a story, we'll just turn on the camera and let them wing it. No need to go into character development or explain how in the blue fuck each girl is different from the other. Then we can just fucking kill them, in outlandish ways by spraying ketchup on the wall." Asshole #2"Dude... you're a fucking genius."
Posted by: comedyryan at December 31, 2006 5:10 AM
I'm a major fan of the horror genre and while I appreciate a slow build and plausible/coherent exposition I really still enjoyed Black Christmas. Every now and then a slasher film only needs to be a slasher film. Plus I'm a sucker for remakes and michelle trachtenberg. I thought the movie was great film. My only regret was that I got there so late I had to sit in the front row & have now seen every pixel that forms an eyeball.
Posted by: Life'sabeach at January 1, 2007 12:17 PM
Oops. I thought the movie was great fun*
Posted by: life'sabeach at January 1, 2007 12:19 PM
I so loved the first one. There were scenes in it that still give me nightmares. Just brilliant, eerie, pants-wettingly scary scenes.
And I don't say that lightly, because although I love horror movies, they rarely succeed in scaring me.
So I feel torn and sort of sad that they remade it. I'm generally pretty sick of Hollywood's seeming inability to *write their own damn story*.
Posted by: Loob at January 5, 2007 6:35 PM
Okay, now... if youwant Dawson's Creek Meets The Werewolf, see Ginger Snaps. I thought it was awful and queer, but I really love movies that I hate, as long as I hate them in a good way. Which was the case for Ginger Snaps. Oh, go on... try it.
Posted by: Hattie at January 8, 2007 8:45 AM
Mary Elizabeth Winstead, how I love thee. Too bad your movies blow....except for Sky High. psht.
Posted by: gmoff at January 11, 2007 2:09 PM
Ok i hate horror movies to the fullest, i will watch a horror movie and be scared for weeks, so when my husband dragged me along the day after christmas to go see Black Christmas i wasn't so happy. We had used our gift movie tickets to go see this movie so it was free, but let me tell u it wasnt even worth it to go see this movie for free!! I wasn't scared not once it was horrible horrible direction, half of the traliors that were in the previews wernt in the movie, and just over all it sucked! I wasnt scared at all and if im scared my hubbie tells me its a good movie. The acting was overdone the cut shots were so horrible and even tho the story was good (which the first one still scares me till this day) the acting was just so cheesy! The acting alone made me want to vomit! So was not worth my time to sit there. And when Billy said every 10 mins in the movie "Your my family now" I wanted to go through the screen and smack him silly! Dont waste ur time watching the remake go to blockbuster and rent the old one,
Posted by: Jessica at January 15, 2007 4:12 PM
the black christmas was crapy,shit and so f**king boring wasnt scary it was stuip and anyone that storgy disagree can wrtite me @ martydanielsen@yahoo.com
Posted by: marty at February 21, 2007 11:18 PM
guid-xanax.html">Inurl trackback
Posted by: jmmcz at March 18, 2007 3:56 AM
com-friend.html">Adult finder
Posted by: samqt at March 22, 2007 1:42 PM
Posted by: dbsum at April 5, 2007 1:49 PM