Pajiba

Sex and the City: The Golden Years, excellent product placement opportunities for Gold Bond Powder, Ben Gay and Medic-Alert bracelets.

Aaaaand moving on, I have to come clean, I sorta....like, Loaded Weapon 1.

Oh, and I'll just pretend I never read that Bio-Dome will be getting a sequel.

I have to say: kudos to the movie exec who finally got the brilliant idea to make a sequel to Bio-Dome. It's about time that Stephen Baldwin (whom I've long thought to be the most talented of the radical-born-again-Christian Baldwins) gets another high profile movie.

And Pauly Shore? Such comedic talent has gone to shameful waste these last few years. I still quote "Pauly Lines" faithfully every day of my life. They're little nuggets of wisdom that make me feel more connected to the spiritual matrix of the universe and allow me to become more centered on my path to Nirvana (the band, not the epitome of enlightenment and oneness).

When I hear Pauly say "Hey, Buuuuuu-ddy" I feel like God is smiling on me. Which He should be, because that is one funny-ass line.

That trailer...what's...wh-...the story is...I mean...does anyone understand what...I...hmm.

Wow, I just watched that trailer and...wow, man, does that SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.

Hrm... So was it just a rumor that one of the Wachowski brothers is no longer a brother?

For someone who owns all the seasons of SATC on DVD I am not at all excited for the movie.

Secondly, Shutter Island was a horribly predicable book and the movie will be the same. Seriously? There are much better books out there. I am anticipating someone stumbling onto Skull Sessions by Daniel Hecht. That would be a kick ass movie!

And finally, I want to comment on the latest casting news from X-Files 2. Amanda Peet, Billy Connolly, and Xzibit!!! What the fuck? Billy Connolly makes up for the other two, I guess.

Sitting on my desk in front of me I have a box of seriously expensive liqueur truffles... it's like drinking on the job only respectable and with a higher calorie intake.

I'm numbing the pain with alcohol and sugar. Just the way it should be.

"And finally, I want to comment on the latest casting news from X-Files 2. ....., and Xzibit!!!.."

Let me scratch that movie right off the "to watch" list right now.

There we go.

How could they F-up Speed racer so badly so quickly. They had the actors, they had the freakin' car DOWN, and then instead of making it a live action movie they just remake all of the worst parts of the cartoon. Is it too late to have Michael bay take over? A Transformers level of realism on it would have been cool.

"In fact, you know what else needs more Wayans? Everything.Goddamnit."

Even Brett Ratner?

"Hrm... So was it just a rumor that one of the Wachowski brothers is no longer a brother?"

That would be Larry and I've seen some very disturbing pictures.

I'm kinda brain dead from all the bad news. I wish they'd stop with all the Wayans crap. Shesh!

sidenote- ok seriously, how do u paragraph break in the comment section. i feel so left out.

ok, the universe is against me.

"There are much better books out there. I am anticipating someone stumbling onto Skull Sessions by Daniel Hecht. That would be a kick ass movie!"

Ever since reading The Book Thief by Marcus Zusak, I've thought it would make a terrific film, but it would take a really great director to be able to work it well and not just cast Jude Law as Death.

Also, while I enjoyed the show that the Wayans brothers had and Damon Wayans used to be a very funny guy, couldn't we just execute them now before they do some real damage?

Re: one of the Wachasomething brothers no longer being a brother

That was an story that was made up by someone which was then picked up by many blogs. So no, they're still all brothers. (And how I know this and yet do not know how to spell their last name is kinda sad...)

I never was a Speed Racer fan (before my time) but the trailer looks like a spoof of itself. I hope they never try to make a Captain Planet movie...although, with today's push for everything being green I could see how it'd catch on.

That trailer is so awful.

I can't wait for the Pajiba review.

That trailer has permanently broken my brain.

Oh my God, Speed Racer is going to be far worse than I imagined. The CGI racing scenes look like they came from the cutting room floor of a fucking sequel to Cars set in space.

If there is any justice in the universe -- even a shred of it, floating around somewhere near The Pluto Formerly Known as a Planet -- then Speed Racer's box office take will be capable of getting lost underneath a couch cushion. Lord, that looks like one of the worst things I've ever seen. And I don't just mean movies.

What the fuck did I just watch?

I like the Wachowski's because they're fucking crazy but Jesus Christ this has gone to far.

While they are making all the old good cartoons into movies, when are they coming out with "El Kabong" starring Jack Black and (Chelsey Handler's) Chuy as Babalooey? Now that's what I'm waiting for.

In the Hot Fuzz commentary, Simon Pegg said that what he really wants to make is a really brilliant, legitimately good sequel to a horrible film...can't we just put him and Edgar in charge of BioDome 2?

"... it's like drinking on the job only respectable and with a higher calorie intake."

So pretty much perfect then? I'm jealous. My mid-morning snack is a freaking fruit cup. What I would not give for some chocolate or booze or fantastic combination of the two.

Speed Racer looks just awful. And someone (God? Dustin?) needs to rid the earth of all the Wayans. Or, at least lock them up some place where they can't hurt us anymore.

Pauly Shore and Bobcat Goldwaithe mentioned in the same round-up. I feel like I'm in junior high again . And that's really not a good thing.

I also own all six seasons of SATC, and while I cringe every time I hear about the movie, I remember how much I enjoy watching the shows each time I replay them. Unless something goes horribly wrong, I'm sure I'll enjoy the movie too. But sequels don't interest me. At least with them all in long term relationships they won't be playing the same pathetic charade that the singles bar hopping scene is still sexy when you're 45.

The rest of this news is just so bad. Time to work on forgetting it.

A SatC trilogy? Are they crazy?
Weak trailer. Nothing but flash and lights.

I loved Speed Racer when I was a kid! Bad dubbing and all....

The movie looks AWFUL. Like utter crap. That said, I'll still see it. But not in the theaters--oh no--I'm downloading it so that no one else will see my shame and I won't have to give the Wachowskis a single, thin dime for this probable steaming pile of monkey poop.

Could someone point me toward the person who approved the Speed Racer movie? I have an appointment to snatch that dumbass baldheaded.

I tried to watch SATC once. It didn't work out. I wanted to forehead punch Carrie and all of the other chicks on the show. Hubby loved it though and watched all of the seasons On Demand. Hopefully shame will prevent him from seeing this movie and the sequels. Shame or a forehead punch.

I'm fairly certain that the crappiness of one of the Matrix flicks was responsible for the unexpected conception of my daughter. Maybe we'll wait until Speed Racer comes out on DVD and try for another assist in the conception department.

The Wachowski brothers. Emile Hirsch. Christina Ricci. A huge production budget. Monster special effects. Unbelievable hype.

You left out Susan Sarandon. And...right at the end? Was that Matthew Fox? Oh...ow. Owie.

And you all realize, don't you, that this trailer was put together, and then scrutinized and agonized over, by the Wachowskis and the studio, and...this was the best they could do to hype this reeking diahrrea splat. What we're seeing is the best trailer they could possibly make.

Oy.

*sigh*
can we just speed time up and get to the next Batman flick, pronto?

"While this one is also set in and around Boston...."

Aren't all of Lehane's novels set in and around Boston, a la Steven King and New Hampshire / greater New England?

Nothing like some SATC, Wayans Brothers and Pauly Shore news to get Dustin all fired up.

And, yes, that trailer was horrible. The John Goodman scenes kinda remind me of the Flintstones movie somehow. That's not a good thing.

Not to be picky, but, judging from their Wikipedia bios, James Spader is 47 and Andrew McCarthy is 45 (hey, he has the same birthday as me! Just several years earlier).

Cattrall is 51, though.

I'm not surprised people are longing for Sex in the City. These new young bitches walking around town wearing eighty-seven pounds with their ribs sticking out and their cunts showing every time they get out of a car. Long live Sex in the City.

Wow, it's expensive to shit on film - er, ones and zeros.

Is that weird?

Wow, did someone tell that actor that he doesn't have to talk like a badly dubbed cartoon? (specifically at 1:35. "Oh-no?" *head bob*)

Hmmm - Wayans' Mystic River take:

"Is that my Otter in there?"

meh.

..I'm afraid to watch any videos on Pajiba, after that Canadian Burn Victim one.

And not to be picky, but Hot Fuzz made over 80 million worldwide, and 30 million in DVD sales and such. (Thanks, Box Office Mojo!). How did that fail?

..unless it was a joke, and I looked too much into it.

You forgot to mention John Goodman (aka future Mr. Malice) is in that crapfest of trailer. No wonder he went to rehab. Oh my poor poor Mr. Roseanne. Why do you keep breaking my heart? Why do you insist on being the only good thing in these feces-dripping CGI atrocities?

Two things:

One, I like Loaded Weapon, thank you. (One of shatner's best.)

Two. Now, is it just me, or is the build up to the Alvin and the Chipmunks review thrilling anyone else? It has been a while since I've read a truly hilarious, "scathing" review (not to knock them though), and I completely expect to imagine Jason Lee with his head literally up his ass, at least twice, upon completion of reading it.

Solely on the basis of Sex in the City, unless you want to credit Square Pegs, Sarah Jessica Parker's signature fragrance, Hatchet Face, sells $57 million every year according to The Wall Street Journal. A market this large and this stupid can't be ignored as Oprah has made billions since figuring it out. I personally can't wait to see the Manolo Blahniks worn with Supphose not to mention the Victoria's Secret line of anti-incontinence lingerie.

Emile is so cute. I wanna put him in my pocket. The trailer will not be discussed. It doesn't exist. The movie does not exist. *la la la*

I was content to not comment until I saw the Speed Racer preview. The Wachowski brothers cannot be serious. I already pretty much think that these brothers owe me at least 2 excellent movies since they fucked up the two Matrix sequels. With Speed Racer looks like they will be owing me a third one, and I really wanted this movie to work. I hearted Speed Racer as a kid, and I always wanted my first car to be the Mach 5. Another May, another fond memory slayed by Hollywood.

Since I am already commenting, I might as well talk about SATC. I loved this show. I bought every season on DVD; however, I think a movie especially three years after the series ended is anti-climatic and unnecessary. Female sexuality has progressed, and I think many a woman is beyond chasing some asshole guy in Manolos (hmmm...maybe not though). But, it does not mean that I won't watch the movie on DVD just to see what crazy costumes Pat Fields makes the ladies wear. I mean part of the joy of SATC was watching what horrendous fugly outfit Carrie was going to wear.

Alex the Odd: I love those chocolates. They combine two of my most favorite things in the world.

is it just me or the racing parts looks like a video game?? WHYYYYY O WHYYYY did they make it like that???, it looks horrible, i am so pissed bc i still feel the need to see this, but i will wait for the DVD as i am sure i will not find a soul to go with me. I looove SR, my sister and i use to see it on MTV in the early 90's every morning before going to school (high school).
I will see SITC out of pure curiosity, to see what happens, i am not really sure about the trilogy.. i do not see the point in that

Agreed Gigi and Kristin, what could be better? The only thing that comes close is what I have today: actual alcohol. God bless the party season!

Aaaaah. Bliss!

I have never seen an entire episode of SATC a fact that I am higly proud of it's generally referred to in my house as "That awful program with those shrewish, whingeing hags wearing the hideous clothes"... we have long names for things.

Are my eyes deceiving me, or...or did Pookie actually say something halfway relevant and clever, instead of his usual non-sequiturs?

Vermillion - No, I noticed it, too. What's going on here? Is this in the vein of an anti-hero - some kind of anti-sock-puppet, maybe? I think I need to sit down.

I'm at work so I can't watch the trailer with sound, but I don't think I really need (or want) to. Oh, Emile Hirsch. Why do you continue appearing in bad movies? You want to pick the good scripts, honey. Fire your agent and hire me. I'll take a low, low commission. Payable in trade. [/pervy]

anyone remember this one?

"no monkey that is not candy, that is hot laaavvaaa"

classic.

movie looks like shit