Music and Lyrics / Dustin Rowles
You know, I’ve come to expect certain things from Drew Barrymore’s romantic comedies. I expect that she’ll be bumbling and ditzy and cute in a relatively inoffensive way that doesn’t inspire an outcry from bulimiophobes (I cannot wait for the day when men, women, gays, and stick-figure actresses will all be treated equally in this country). I expect that her character will be neurotic in the blandest way possible, and I expect a premise that will wear itself out after about 10 minutes. But most of all, I expect to see Adam Sandler or some reasonable facsimile (Jimmy Fallon) thereof. So, what the hell is a charming, affable bloke doing in a Drew Barrymore comedy?
It doesn’t really matter, of course. Hugh Grant, Michael Vartan, Ben Stiller, or Jimmy Fallon: It’s still not the fucking Wedding Singer, which is apparently Barrymore’s one lifelong pursuit — to create an unofficial sequel to the only film she’s ever appeared in that no one under the age of 40 hasn’t seen 17 times (and if you’re the exception to this rule, you’ve clearly never watched TBS hungover on a Saturday afternoon. You’ve got some serious drinking to catch up on, and if you need an excuse, just watch Music and Lyrics).
With Music and Lyrics, Julia Gulia is now in her 30s, but she’s still got a thing for Robbie Harts, only this one is a washed-up pop artist with a respectable haircut and a British accent. He was once the “other guy” in the Wham-inspired duo PoP, which had a string of hits in the late ’80s, notably “Pop Goes My Aneurism Heart,” a catchy little ditty that will rattle around in your head like a local cable advertisement until you can escape the theater and find something else as abhorrently infectious (I’m crankin’ Def Leppard’s greatest hits at the moment, hoping to find something that will stick, while asking myself, “Do I Wanna Get Rocked?” The answer: Sure. But this ain’t doing it for me.) Anyway, the George Michael half of PoP (“Friday Night Lights”’ Scott Porter [he can walk!]) abandoned him in the early ’90s and became an übersuccessful solo artist, leaving Alex (Hugh Grant) doing the county-fair-and-Hilton circuit, only those appearance have recently started to dry up as more recent has-beens (The Spice Girls, Ricky Martin) have begun to supplant him.
However, a teenage pop singer, Cora — who is a cross between “Britney and Christina” (man, I’d hate to see her boyfriend if he’s supposed to be a cross between K-Fed and Jordan Bratman — K Jo?) — has a nostalgic fondness for Alex and wants him to write a song for her to help get over a breakup. It’s supposed to be a shot in the arm for his career. A second chance. His Travolta in Pulp Fiction moment. Or whatever. The problem, of course, is that Alex hasn’t written a song in 10 years and, besides, he no longer has a lyricist.
Enter Sophie Fisher, who takes over the plant-watering duties in Alex’s apartment (it’s a very lucrative profession, I understand) and begins aimlessly mumbling rhymes to Alex’s piano melodies. Bam! Woody’s found his Soon Yi, a three-minute travesty to pop music is born, and Sophie and Alex bump uglies under the piano. And all I can think is: Where the hell is Adam Sandler?
Sadly, the film doesn’t end there; we are, instead, treated to Sophie’s prolonged backstory, which has something to do with an affair with an engaged lit professor (Campbell Scott, in a throwaway role); being the inspiration for his bestselling novel about an empty, stalkerific grad student; and some sort of life-stunting trauma, not unlike the experience of watching Music and Lyrics.
Granted, Hugh Grant is likeable and charming, Drew Barrymore is … well, she’s Drew Barrymore, and the pop music is irresistibly catchy and awful all the same, yet Music and Lyrics manages to transcend all of the elements here that would otherwise create a pleasant, but ultimately empty, romantic comedy and, instead, gravitate toward some sort of unexplored ethereal world of chest-wound suckitude, the sort of film that might inspire more creative forms of suicide for moviegoers (like, pubicide: death by pubic hair!).
I blame writer and director Marc Lawrence. Not content to torture us with Sandra Bullock features (Two Weeks Notice, the Miss Congeniality “franchise”), Lawrence has once again managed to extract all the appeal out of his talent and saddle them with zingy one-liners that thud under the weight of protracted scenes, unnecessary exposition, wasted side characters, and lazy contrivances. Worst of all, however, is that Lawrence is not self-aware enough to succeed here in the same way that The Wedding Singer did: by taking the schmaltzy cornball and rolling with it, instead of trying to pass it off as sincere woo material. You can win the girl with a silly heartfelt pop song sung with the help of Billy Idol, but you can’t win her with a silly pop song sung with complete earnestness at a teenybopper concert. Especially if, like Hugh Grant, you’re freakin’ 47 years old. It’s just embarrassing.
Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba. He lives with his wife in Ithaca, New York. You may email him, or leave a comment below.
Comments
That's a pity because I really love Hugh Grant. When I heard he was doing a movie with La Barrymore, I was like, "NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"
I'll probably round up some friends with less discriminating cinematic tastes than mine and claim that they forced me to go.
Posted by: Jelinas at February 15, 2007 06:13 PM
Is Hugh Grant doing his jackass bit in this too? You know, twitchy, genuflecting all over the place and being a Grade A dork. It's embarrassing.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 15, 2007 06:18 PM
B Slim,
I once said your comments are douchy. I would like to formally retract that statement in light of your very apt description of Mr. Grant. That's some funny shit.
Sincerely,
AM
Posted by: AM at February 15, 2007 07:23 PM
Her name is Julia Gulia? Really? Really? Jesus Christ...
Posted by: Scott at February 15, 2007 07:35 PM
Pop sung sang? Hee hee! I like it.
Author's Note: Damn tenses! Noted and corrected with many thanks.
Posted by: Ann at February 15, 2007 08:13 PM
hehe think nothing of it AM, now you don't have to do that...hmmm, keyboard, thing :)
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 15, 2007 08:21 PM
God dammit, I'd been thinking from the photo that Billy Idol and Drew Barrymore did a romantic comedy together...which I would have gone to see, if only for the "Iggy Pop rapes a puppy" aspect of it.
You leave me cold.
Posted by: Vi at February 15, 2007 09:13 PM
You know, I've experienced the Wedding Singer as I was watching with my best boyfriends Jack, Jim and Jose, but it's still a good movie. It made me realize that the man I'll marry will let me hold the remote control while he's building me a fire when the furnace. Oh, and put me to bed after my affair with Jack, Jim and Jose.
Posted by: Clevegal42 at February 15, 2007 10:46 PM
...when the furnace breaks.
Looks like maybe I've had too much Jose.
Posted by: Clevegal42 at February 15, 2007 10:48 PM
Oh, Scott... just... oh dear.
Posted by: TK at February 15, 2007 10:56 PM
It was a silly, throw-away rom-com, but it was a fun way to waste an afternoon. Hugh Grant is always fun to watch, and Kristin Johnson is very funny as Drew Barrymore's older sister. My husband entertained himself by marveling at how Drew (in his opinion) goes from cute when face front, to fug from the side. It could have been worse, I could have been Norbit!
Posted by: Jen at February 15, 2007 11:19 PM
OOPS, meant to say I could have been taken to see Norbit. Must be time for bed...
Posted by: Jen at February 15, 2007 11:20 PM
"no one under the age of 40 hasn't seen 17 times "
Watch an Adam Sandler movie? Over my facking dead body! And I'm 26.
Posted by: Trent880 at February 16, 2007 12:07 AM
like, pubicide: death by pubic hair!
How would that work, exactly? Or should I even foul my brain with the image?
Posted by: Vermillion at February 16, 2007 12:08 AM
I, for one, am tired of Hugh's shtick which has carried his career...except for the Bridget Jones movies, his career has pretty much been based on playing the floppy-haired, stuttering, bumbling dork. BarbadoSlim, I think you're dead on.
Sad, too. I used to have a major crush on Hugh...until I realized he was the same in almost all his movies.
Posted by: bonnie at February 16, 2007 12:21 AM
I'm unbelievably bored by Drew Barrymore, but hell if I don't love Hugh Grant's ability to make me laugh.
P.S. There are too many Anns making comments!
Posted by: Ann at February 16, 2007 12:22 AM
Professional plant-waterer? Jesus. At least in the awful Hugh Grant rom-com with Sandra Bullock she's a poorly-dressed lawyer.
Posted by: Gudrun at February 16, 2007 12:25 AM
Not a surprising review, considering Drew Barrymore. She bores the hell out of me. Every time I see her face in a preview, I just think, 'There's one more goddamn movie to NOT see'. You've seen one with her, you've seen them all. You have her perfectly pegged with this line:
"...she'll be bumbling and ditzy and cute in a relatively inoffensive way that doesn't inspire an outcry from bulimiophobes ."
Calling her neurotic in the most bland way possible is also dead-on. I dislike bland actors so much more than flat-out bad ones. It's the same role, over and over and over again. How is this 'acting'? Why can't this girl try something different, go out of the box, do something new?
While the same could very well be said about Hugh Grant (and it has), I beg to differ only because I actually like him. His bumbling Englishman role works for me, I like it, find it charming, and I think he's adorable. However, I wouldn't go so far as call him a good actor. It's too bad, because I think he's got potential. He's got great comic timing, but doesn't stretch or try anything new.
Perhaps the saddest thing in this review is hearing about Campbell Scott's 'throwaway role'. I think he's a pretty decent actor, really underrated. He's leading man material, good-looking, I think, but he's also has a fairly wide range, enough for the more eccentric 'character' roles as well.
Too bad he's not in more movies.
Posted by: zadzi at February 16, 2007 12:52 AM
The wedding singer is one of my favorite films
Posted by: Sarah at February 16, 2007 07:18 AM
I thought I'd never fall in love again, but then POP! goes my heaaarrrtttt...
I don't see a whole lot of romantic comedies, but compared to the last one I saw (super ex girlfriend) this one wasn't nearly as grating. The last fifteen or so minutes were shamefully bad, but until then I wasn't really enjoying it, but I wasn't hating it either.
Posted by: jonnyfreedom at February 16, 2007 08:16 AM
Her name would have only been Julia Gulia if she married the loser other guy.
I love The Wedding Singer. Its the only time I ever liked Adam Sandler in a movie.
Posted by: cmoody at February 16, 2007 08:38 AM
Julia Gulia always reminds me of the girl I once worked with in a bookstore, years ago, named Katrina. She was engaged to a guy whose last name was Krutina. She was planning to take his name.
(And I'm sure I just really breached netiquette on that one, but it's too early in the am to give one.)
Re. Hugh Grant sameness: yes. But do see "Maurice," an early piece he made before he jammed himself wholeheartedly into the floppy-haired romcom niche. Gives quite the angst-ridden performance, and doesn't overplay it.
Posted by: ranylt at February 16, 2007 08:56 AM
Drew Barrymore sucks. She's got a potato head, a stroke mouth and no comedic acting ability. There must be a lot of sympathy for her in Hollywood and the whole 'druggy kid' thing, because I don't understand how she continues to work, especially in comedy.
I believe funny leading ladies do exist in Hollywood, they just don't make the shitty romantic comedies.
Posted by: Andrew at February 16, 2007 09:35 AM
Grant was also great, IMO, in Remains of the Day, he had a supporting yet pivotal role. His present suckitude is self inflicted (money driven).
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 16, 2007 09:39 AM
Man, I thought I was the only person who can't stand Drew Barrymore. Her bumbling, dimply thing just pisses me off. Her stupid lispy voice is like nails on a chalkboard. And -- PLANT WATERER??? Jesus. But I guess its better than if they made her a lawyer or doctor or some such thing, which would be totally impossible to believe.
Posted by: R at February 16, 2007 10:40 AM
I love Hugh Grant when he's an asshole, as opposed to a bumbling idiot. For instance..."About a Boy", "American Dreamz" and "Bridget Jones" (not that the last 2 are good movies, but his performance is great to me). He was also pretty good in "Love Actually", but to be fair, he was barely in that.
Drew Barrymore, in my opinion, is just that rare actress that doesn't seem like a massive bitch in real life. I have always liked her simply for that reason, and not for her movies. She seems like she's kind of a crazy and out there hippy who smokes alot of pot, so I would want to hang out with her.
They did try to make a sequel to "Wedding Singer", it was called "50 First Dates", and it was fucking horrible. I love "Wedding Singer", and I think alot has to do with the supporting cast, and the really bad outfits and hair...and the music...so here's something to get those catchy awful pop songs out of your head Dustin:
I'm on my knees, pretty pretty please, KILL me, I want to die, put a bullet in my heeeeead!"
Posted by: KDM at February 16, 2007 10:44 AM
Haha, great review. I get that Hugh Grant's latest "suckitude" is definitely self-inflicted and money driven, but he turns me into that everything-British-loving tween (what did they call it back then? pre-teen? I feel old) who snuck into see Four Weddings and a Funeral at a cheapie movie theatre so many years ago every time I see him in a movie. Gah.
Also, I was sick this week, and in my sickness-induced stupor, I think I heard that damn commercial for this movie with the "I've been living with a shadow overhead" song in it a bajillion times. Too bad that tween in me is going to drag my ass to this movie.
Posted by: em at February 16, 2007 10:46 AM
I was hoping this would be cute. I haven't seen a good romantic comedy in ages! Maybe I'll watch it on TBS in 8 years. But as far as the "plant waterer" goes, we have one that comes to my office every week to water and dust the plants. I guess it's not THAT far fetched, then.
Posted by: Laura at February 16, 2007 10:56 AM
Oh don't get me wrong, he played well on Four Weddings... but that role has sadly defined him. I love that movie for Kristin Scott Thomas, why he would choose Mcdowell's character is beyond me, but I didn't write the thing.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 16, 2007 11:09 AM
I love the Wedding Singer, and me and my husband have adopted some of the lines from the movie, such as,
"Hey Linda, yohwa bitch!"
Posted by: rebel mama at February 16, 2007 11:17 AM
I thought Sandler was great in "Punch Drunk Love."
Posted by: G40 at February 16, 2007 11:43 AM
i hate "the wedding singer" simply because of the dumbasses who still think it's cute to call me gulia. it's been NINE YEARS, people. get a new joke. my distate for sandler and barrymore just adds to the nasuea.
Posted by: julia at February 16, 2007 01:50 PM
My preggo friend wants to see a chick flick so we are going to see this tonight, I hope that it doesn't make me want to commit pubicide. . . We will have to wait and see. . .
Btw I will go out on a limb and say that I love 50 first dates, we all have to have a movie that we are embarrassed that we love.
Posted by: Alli at February 16, 2007 02:46 PM
"...and some sort of life-stunting trauma, not unlike the experience of watching Music and Lyrics."
That is classic. Thank you, Dustin!
Posted by: Not Another Ann at February 16, 2007 03:37 PM
I have an employee named Kristie, who married one of my clients, whose last name is Christie. Now she's Kristie Christie!
Posted by: derekthered at February 16, 2007 03:43 PM
I actually like Hugh Grant's schtick, to a degree. It worked well in Love, Actually, it worked in that movie about the big fucking hill, it worked in About A Boy. It wouldn't hurt for him to stretch a bit, but I guess when you've got something that works...
Drew Barrymore, on the other hand? Her last good role was as Charlie McGee.
The dorks will understand me.
Posted by: TK at February 16, 2007 03:43 PM
Hugh Grant has a shtick, Drew Barrymore has a Shtick-- when I saw these two shticks joined together in a preview, it was almost offensive to me as a moviegoer. It's almost like one of those old horror movies, you know, The Werewolf meets Dracula! Two ridiculous characters tossed together in the hopes of getting a movie out of it.
I'll just end by saying I thought Hugh Grant was awesome in Rowing with the Wind, a movie I begin to think I am the only person to have seen.
Posted by: Ari at February 16, 2007 06:41 PM
Alli, I'm with you...I actually loved 50 First Dates, and I've no idea why. It certainly had nothing to do with Drew Barrymore's performance. I'm still angry with her for ruining Donnie Darko with her lispy, slurry line deliveries.
Posted by: Jen at February 17, 2007 12:07 AM
Typo Alert:
"only those appearanceS... have BEGUN to supplant him."
As for the rest of it... I am so bitterly disappointed I cannot type.
WHERE is the next good romantic comedy???
Goddamn, they must be really, really hard to write.
Posted by: Maryscott O'Connor at February 17, 2007 12:20 PM