According to a recent story in the Hollywood Reporter: "CBS Corp. president and CEO Leslie Moonves, ever the optimist, noted during a May 1 earnings call that the network is looking to win the season among total viewers by the biggest margin since the dawn of the modern ratings system 25 years ago." It's good to have modest goals! Of course, it helps that CBS is a ratings machine at this point. Just look at all the renewals:

Renewed. "2 Broke Girls," "48 Hours Mystery," "60 Minutes," "The Amazing Race," "The Big Bang Theory," "Blue Bloods," "Criminal Minds," "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation," "CSI: New York," "The Good Wife," "Hawaii Five-O," "How I Met Your Mother," "The Mentalist," "Mike & Molly," "NCIS," "NCIS: LA," "Person of Interest," "Survivor," "Two and a Half Men" and "Undercover Boss."

Meanwhile, only a handful of shows had to be given their walking papers:

Cancelled. "CSI: Miami," "A Gifted Man," "How to be a Gentleman," "NYC 22," "Rob" and "Unforgettable." You may have heard that Patrick Wilson, star of "A Gifted Man," took to the twitters after finding out about the cancellation via e-mail. First he tweeted: "So...shocking to no one: #agiftedman is done.Found out via email...and not from the network.Stay classy.Thanks to AGM fans! Great cast/crew!" And he followed that with: "Thanks for the AGM love...but now that it's 'official,' I couldn't be happier. As good as it was(sometimes) it was not what I signed on for." I'm guessing we won't be seeing Wilson on another CBS show anytime soon. As for the cancellation of "CSI: Miami," well I guess you could say that it's just a matter of ... shit, I got no Caruso-ism to end that with, damn it. YEAH!

(Commentors, don't let me down -- give us some good Caruso lines to speak to the cancellation of "CSI:Miami.")

Despite so many renewals and so few cancellations, CBS still picked up seven new shows. And the fate of "Rules of Engagement" remained undecided. Yes, that show is still on the air. Or at least, it was. Is it still? Let's see.

Mondays. Mondays start off with the stale "How I Met Your Mother," which leads into the new "Partners." At 9, it's a new home and timeslot for the atrocious "2 Broke Girls," followed by "Mike & Molly." And then at 10, it's "Hawaii Five-0." Did you know that "Hawaii Five-0" is the tope-rated drama out of the various dramas that air at 10 p.m.? Yeah, me neither.

Anyway, the new "Partners" is CBS' lone new fall comedy and stars David Krumholtz, which is a good thing. It's about two architects, one who's gay (Michael Urie, "Ugly Betty") and one who's straight (Krumholtz).The straight one "leads with his head and not his heart" while the gay one "is spontaneous, emotional and prone to exaggeration." It sounds like the perfectly awful comedy to lead in to "2 Broke Girls," right? CBS will defend any claims that the show plays into stereotypes with the argument that it's based on the lives of its two creators, who created "Will and Grace," so the stereotypes are ok. That's all well and good, but it still doesn't make the worth a damn. Nor does the fact that it also stars Brandon Routh and Sophia Bush.

So yeah, there's that.

Tuesdays. From 8 to 10, the schedule remains the same with "NCIS" leading in to "NCIS: Los Angeles." At 10, CBS launches the new "Vegas," which stars Dennis Quaid and Michael Chiklis, which is a pretty good start for any show. As an aside, I have a buddy from back home whose only care about the fact that I live in LA is that I should meet Chiklis and tell him how much my buddy loves him -- it hasn't happened yet, but if it ever does, it's going to be awkward. Consider yourself warned, Mr. Chiklis. Anyway, "Vegas" is set in the 1960s in Portland, Oregon.

That's be awesome, wouldn't it? Yeah, no, it's set in Vegas and is about a former cowboy/rancher who's become the local sheriff. That sounds like a role right in Quaid's wheelehouse, so good thing he's playing Sherff Ralph Lamb. Because it's in the 60's, it's all about the corruption and gangsters that have been taking over Vegas, said takeover being led by Vincent Savino (Chiklis), a Chicago gangster. The show also stars Jason O'Mara and Carrie-Anne Moss, and color me fucking intrigued.

I'm a little less intrigued, and definitely skeptical, but I'm gonna give it an open-minded shot anyways.

Wednesdays. Wednesdays offer no change whatsoever. "Surviver" leads in to "Criminal Minds" leads in to "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation." Nothing new here, nothing to see, move on.

Thursdays. Thursdays still lead off with "The Big Bang Theory." Did you notice that "Two and Half Men" isn't on Monday anymore? That's cause it's on Thursday at 8:30," leading in to "Person of Interest" at 9. Finally, at 10, it's the new "Elementary." You've all surely heard about "Elementary," which is the other modernization of Sherlock Holmes, with Jonny Lee Miller playing Holmes and Lucy Liu playing Joan Watson. It's set in New York, and why a Scotland Yard consultant works with the NYPD? I dunno -- let's see if Benedict Cumberbatch can solve that riddle. If it wasn't for the outstanding "Sherlock" (which ends its second season here in the states on Sunday with a fantastic episode), I'd be down for this show, especially because I love Miller. But now, I now we're just going to be getting a typical CBS procedural with the shell of Sherlock Holmes around it, and Miller and Liu are no Cumberbatch and Freeman. So phooey.

Oh, and the press release gives us this line in summation: "With the mischievous Sherlock Holmes now running free in New York solving crimes, it's simple deduction that he's going to need someone to keep him grounded, and it's elementary that it's a job for Watson." So double phooey.

So yeah. It doesn't look terrible but still, it sits in the shadow of the BBC version. Let's look at the real modern-day Sherlock Holmes, shall we, in this preview for the upcoming final Series 2 episode, "The Reichenbach Fall."

Much better. Seriously, go catch up with the first season (it's only three episodes, so it's like three great little movies), which I believe is on Netflix, and then go catch up with the current season on PBS' website. Get on board. (And some people seem to dislike this version of Moriarty, but I love him.)

Fridays. CBS has moved the aging "CSI: NY" over to Friday, hoping that it will be a good lead in for the new "Made In Jersey" and that, with "Blue Bloods" at 9, CBS can claim Friday ratings all for itself, for whatever the Friday ratings are worth. The new "Made in Jersey," the last of CBS' new fall dramas, is. yet. another. fucking law show. This one stars Janet Montogmery, who at least is very attractive and a pretty solid actress (I know her best from an episode of the UK "Skins," but she was also in the mucked-up second season of "Human Target" and had a run in "Entourage"). Montogmery is a Jersey-born blue collar type who didn't go to an Ivy League school, but is now working at a fancy New York law firm run by Kyle MacLachlan and blah blah blah fuck. This show may be good. It may be great (unlikely, but still). But I'll never know because, working in a big fancy law firm, I have zero desire to watch this show.

Bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh. This feels like it will fit right in with CBS' schedule. By which I mean, bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh.

Saturdays. Two hours of CBS' "crimetime" programming (i.e., reruns of its crime procedurals) lead in to "48 Hours Mystery" at 10. Lovely.

Sundays. After lovely, lovely football, which always throws off the time of CBS' shows on the East Coast, it's "60 Minutes" at 7ish, "The Amazing Race" at 8ish, "The Good Wife" at 9ish, and "The Mentalist" in its new home at 10ish.

Midseason Filler. CBS has three shows in its midseason coffers, a comedy, a drama and a reality show. The comedy ... ugh. "Friend Me" features Christopher Mintz-Plasse, who I've been done with since about 2008. The premise? Rob (Mintz-Plasse) and buddy Evan (Nicholas Braun) move from Indiana to LA to start working for Groupon. Yup, that doesn't do a god damned thing to get me over my done-ness with Mintz-Plasse. And CBS didn't release any video, so that's all we have to go on. No thanks.

As for the drama, "Golden Boy" is about a young man's quick ascent from a 26-year-old uniformed cop to a 34-year-old police commissioner. Aside from the fact that it co-stars the awesome Chi McBride, stuff this show. And again, no video. Ditto for CBS' midseason reality show, "The Job." Mark Burnett is one of the producers of this show, where "talented candidates are chosen from across the country for a chance to win their dream job at one of America's most prestigious companies." Meh.

Finally, remember how we said the only unresolved question was the fate of "Rules of Engagement?" Well, it remains unresolved. head of CBS entertainment, Nina Tassler, claims that "we're still discussing, haven't made a decision yet." I kinda think the non-decision is a decision, right? Right.

I'll leave you with this video I found while looking for a clip of "Sherlock," just because (all the clips come from Series 1, so no spoilers for the upcoming Season 2 finale).

"America's Next Top Model" on The CW at 9:00pm ET. So are any of you ANTM fans still watching or has the show simply become unbearable, because last I heard Tyra Banks was busy firing everyone who's not Tyra Banks and that seemed like a questionable decision at best.

"Criminal Minds" on CBS at 9:00pm ET. Two episodes back to back with the second episode being the seventh season finale. It seems like all shows are doing these supersized episodes or back to back episodes for season finales now and I'm not especially a fan of it. It's nice to get more of your show before it goes off the air for a few months but not every single season finale warrants it, you know?

"Revenge" on ABC at 10:00pm ET.

"The Soup" on E at 10:00pm ET.

Genevieve Burgess does not appreciate your sass. (That's a lie.)

Seemingly aware of that, and perhaps tired of the lawsuits, Sacha Baron Cohen teamed up with his Borat director Larry Charles and turned to scripted fare. The screenplay would be controlled, the comedy of cruelty would be removed, and a Hollywood formula would be inserted to make it more commercially viable. The unintended consequence? It's removed all of the teeth and spontaneity of Cohen's comedy, leaving a movie that is neither funny nor mean. The Dictator is an Adam Sandler parody. In fact, the character played by Cohen, Aladeen -- the Dictator of Wadiya, a fake North African country -- mugs and acts very much like one of Sandler's ethnic characters. He's the North African Zohan.

In Baron's earlier efforts, he was able to allow his victims, in a sense, to satirize themselves: He used their own words to mock them, turning American culture upon itself. Left to come up with his own material -- along with three other screenwriters (how very Hollywood of him) -- the satire in Cohen's screenplay resembles that of a Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer parody movie: It's big, dumb, broad, obvious and it stars Anna Faris. The screenplay makes a couple of salient points about the American political and economic system, but mostly, it's Cohen trying to be offensive for the sake of offensiveness, but even in that regard, the comedy is offensive only for how lame it is. It's a strikingly bad movie, all the more disappointing because we know how intelligent Sacha Baron Cohen actually is, and yet it feels like he's trying to make a movie targeted at the very dumb people he skewered in Borat.

The Dictator is, in essence, a romantic comedy about a murdering idiot dictator and a militant feminist (Faris), and Cohen's forced efforts to draw parallels between the two. Cohen plays Aladeen, whose second-in-command (Ben Kingsley) replaces him with a body-double (also Cohen) and leaves Aladeen beard-less and left to defend himself as a no one in New York City. There, he meets Zoey, who owns a health-food store, has a short haircut, and doesn't shave her armpits, which is where Cohen directs 90 percent of the film's comedy, including a scene in which he performs lingus on her underarm hair. Aladeen intends to work for Zooey's store so that he can sneak into the United Nations while catering a UN Event, kill his double, and destroy the planned Constitution before his country is turned into a democracy.

There are maybe four reasonably amusing gags in the entire film, a few odd cameos that serve little purpose (Ed Norton, Megan Fox, John C. Reilly) and exactly one half-speech with actual satirical punch behind it. The rest of the movie, unfortunately, plays grab ass with stereotypes and xenophobia, and while it wants to pretend the jokes have some satirical value given the political context of the film, they really don't. They're just bad Adam Sandler jokes disguised by a beard, and The Dictator is a bad movie fronting as parody.

Still Not Okay

Uh uh

Not Okay

Sorry, Still Not Okay

Nope

No, I Don't Think So

Technically, No

Grey Area

Given the Nature of the Film, Also a Grey Area

Strange Timing, But Sure

Kinda Weird, But Sure

OK. But Why?

Yes, but that's Mila

Definitely Okay

Totally Okay

You Bet Your Ass

Not Okay Again

I don't keep up with Howard Stern anymore, but I know enough to know that the Howard Stern that is hosting "America's Got Talent" is not the Howard Stern that we grew up on. What the hell happened to doddering old man? (WG)

Over at Unreality, they take a look at 5 Movies They Didn't Plan to love, and while I agree with a couple of those choices, there's a couple that might fall under the "Movies I Planned to Love But Kind of Hated" category. (Unreality)

The juxtaposition of these two images, from Brian DePalma's Passions, is tantamount to getting a boner and then stubbing it on brick wall.

Ahhhhh! There are more images (including a movie poster which features Rachel McAdams and Noomi Rapace almost kissing), and details about the movie over on (Movieline)

Here's an interesting turn of events: Whether he returns to "Community" next season or not, we do know Dan Harmon will be working on another show. Here's the deets. (Slashfilm)

Speaking of "Community," guess who's post "Doctor Who" wish-list includes appearing on "Community." I'll give you a hint. A gorgeous, leggy hint. (BBC)

When Pajiba Love publishes today, I'll be screening The Dictator, which will have the Anchorman 2 teaser attached. For now, however, there's the teaser poster. It's very footsy. (Movieline)

Have you seen Kim Kardashian's IMDB profile? Or this version of it? It's amazing. Uproxx got the screengrab before IMDB took it down. (Uproxx)

I guess ABC is considering a new "Hulk" television series, but I don't actually see it coming to fruition. (The Mary Sue)

At first, I thought the trailer for Do-Deca-Pentathlon was based on another board game that I hadn't heard of. Turns out, it's a Duplass film, which makes it must see. (FSR)

Here's some irony calling the kettle a pot: In an interview, Jessica Alba reveals that she feels like she's being objectified in her film work. Then she posed for this photo. (Celebitchy)

Dude! Dude! Dude! Drive is on Netflix instant now. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE. Look, if you haven't seen it yet, I won't judge. Just click over, watch it this afternoon, and then come back and pretend that you saw it months ago and you can judge those who haven't seen it yet. (Netflix Instant)

Here's Tom Cruise's version of Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar on Me," from Rock of Ages because the Internet loves you. Or hates you. Or wants to hate fuck you. I don't know, all I know is that it's terrible and I want to have its babies. (Screencrush)

If I didn't love my kid so much, I might trade him in for this one, who is cute as balls and can play the drums like a BOSS. (via Videogum)

Knight & Day: Yes, this movie was a theoretically brilliant way for Tom Cruise to play off his batshit crazy reputation with Cameron as the stand-in, A-list female movie star. Why wasn't it a fun ride though?

What Happens in Vegas: Methinks Ashton Kutcher finally met his douchebag match in this obnoxious movie.

The Box: While I applaud Diaz's effort to pull off a serious role, all good intentions were destroyed here by a very crappy script.

Charlie's Angels - Full Throttle: This sequel offered all of the skin but none of the charm of the original. Also, nice shiny ass on the poster, Cam.

Keys to Tulsa: Hey, I've lived in Tulsa for most of my life, so of course I watched this insulting, ridiculous movie. Did anyone else see it?

The Sweetest Thing: Here, Cameron and her co-stars attempted to validate the meaningless existence of their pathetic characters. Try again.

Very Bad Things: I think the filmmakers were aiming for a Heathers level of black comedy, but they unfortunately left out the "comedy" part.

A Life Less Ordinary: Sure, this movie remains something of a guilty pleasure for many people, but it's still crappy as hell.

Shrek the Third: This movie was the very point that this self-reflecting, annoyingly meta-referencing franchise collapsed upon itself.

Feeling Minnesota: This one was such a nice, hi-concept/low-execution way to ruin a good Soundgarden song.

The Holiday: As far as romantic comedies go, this wasn't the worst movie ever, but it still belongs on this list. Shoot me.

Agent Bedhead lives in Tulsa, Oklahoma. She and her little black heart can be found at Celebitchy.

2. Originally the main character's name was Pansy and titles considered for the novel itself included "Tomorrow is Another Day," "Bugles Sang True," "Not in Our Stars," "Ba! Ba! Black Sheep," and "Tote the Weary Load."

3. Clark Gable was the early favorite for the role of Rhett Butler, but he was not the only actor considered. In the end he was cast over Gary Cooper, Errol Flynn and Ronald Colman. Gary Cooper was quoted as saying, "Gone with the Wind is going to be the biggest flop in Hollywood history," and, "I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not Gary Cooper."

4. Selznick used a nationwide casting call to get people excited about the film before he was even sure it would be made. The search for the perfect Scarlett cost over $1.6 million in today's money with 1,400 women throwing their hats in to the ring. 400 actresses actually read for the role. Of those, 19 were given screen tests. Paulette Goddard and Vivien Leigh were the only two finalists shot in the more expensive Technicolor. Goddard might have gotten the role, but she was living with Charlie Chaplin out of wedlock and so was considered too controversial a choice in the end. Ironically, the married Leigh was openly having an affair with the married Laurence Olivier at the same time. This was apparently not controversial.

5. The public wasn't thrilled about an unknown English actress playing the quintessential Southern Belle. Leigh is not the only Brit in the film though; Leslie Howard who played Scarlett's unrequited love Ashley Wilkes was also English and if Englishman Ronald Colman had gotten the part of Rhett over Clark Gable three of the four main characters would have been decidedly un-American.

6. Then, as now, it was important to the viewing public that films based off books get the eye color of the heroine correct. Kristen Stewart recently said that the brown contacts she wore as Bella Swan "destroyed" her eyes. Leigh had no such quick fix to turn her naturally blue eyes green. Instead the character of Scarlett O'Hara wore lots of green clothing, and special light filters were used for her close-ups.

7. The production of the film was an epic mess. Three weeks into filming the original director was fired. The script was written, rewritten, altered, lengthen, and changed again. Five weeks into filming a completely new script was finished in seven 20 hour days, during which the producer Selznick did not allow anyone in the room to go on a lunch break, instead giving them bananas for sustenance. In the end at least dozen writers and three directors worked on the film. The third director was called in when the second had to take a break due to exhaustion.

8. One of the reasons for the frantic pace was Leigh herself. Olivier was not in Hollywood with her and every day she would ask for just one more scene to be shot, with the end goal being that she could speed up the very behind schedule production and get back to her lover sooner.

9. Clark Gable was famously not happy about the scene where Rhett Butler has to cry. When the director insisted that he do it Gable threatened to quit. Olivia de Havilland, whose character Melanie Hamilton Wilkes shares the scene with Butler, convinced him to stay.

10. Clark Gable was under contract to MGM in 1939 and they did not want to release him to play Butler. In the end an exorbitant contract was reached. Gable would be paid $7,000 ($115,574 today) per week and MGM would get half the profits from the film. Vivien Leigh worked for 125 days and received about $25,000. Clark Gable worked for 71 (non-consecutive) days and received over $120,000.

11. Despite their steamy on-screen chemistry, Leigh hated kissing Gable. He wore false teeth and she was quoted as saying, "Kissing Clark Gable in Gone with the Wind was not that exciting. His dentures smelled something awful."

12. The film includes two epic scenes. One, the burning of Atlanta, was the first thing shot. Selznick knew it would be the most expensive scene ($25,000 at the time) to film and that if something went wrong the movie might have to be scrapped completely. Using stunt doubles for Gable and the as yet uncast Scarlett, they burned the studio's back lot, including some old sets from other movies like King Kong. The blaze was so big that frantic locals called the fire department. The director shot 113 minutes of footage for what would ultimately be a relatively short scene. According to legend, while filming the fire Selznick's brother, who was an agent, came to the set and introduced him to Vivien Leigh, saying, "David, meet your Scarlett O'Hara."

13. The second epic shot is of the hundreds of dead and injured Confederate soldiers Scarlett must walk through to find Doctor Meade. Union rules required a certain number of extras be used, so 800 real people are mixed in with 800 dummies.

14. The four main characters are only in once scene together in the entire three and a half hour movie, when Scarlett learns her second husband has been killed.

15. Contrary to legend, the film was not fined for saying the word "damn." However, alternate versions of Rhett's famous parting line were considered in the various scripts including: "Frankly my dear... I just don't care," "... it makes my gorge rise," "... my indifference is boundless," "... I don't give a hoot," and "... nothing could interest me less." An AFI poll ranked "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn," as the most memorable line in movie history. This is actually the second time damn is used in the film, the first is in a parlor scene right before they learn war has been declared when someone says "Damn Yankees." The far more controversial word "miscarriage" was not allowed in the film, so instead Rhett says to Scarlett, "Maybe you'll have an accident," right before she falls down the stairs.

16. The first preview of the film was so secret even the audience didn't even know what they were seeing. Selznick just walked into a movie theatre, told the owner he was going to screen his film after the current show finished, and that the audience would have to be locked in to ensure they wouldn't call and let anyone know what they were watching. Despite viewing an unfinished version of the movie, the vast majority of the test audience loved it and asked that it not be cut any shorter than its 3 and half hour run time.

17. The film premiered in Atlanta after a three day celebration, but it was not without controversy. In the Jim Crow south, the black supporting actors could not sit with the white stars for the premiere. Clark Gable was so incensed at this slight to Hattie McDaniel in particular that he threatened to boycott the whole thing. McDaniel diffused the situation by sending her regrets to the director that she would be unable to make it due to prior commitments.

18. Gone with the Wind was the first film to receive more than five Academy Awards, receiving eight regular and two special Oscars. This record stood for 20 years until Ben-Hur won 11 in 1959. The film's one notable loss was Clark Gable to Robert Donat for his performance in Goodbye, Mr. Chips.

19. Hattie McDaniel was the first African-American Oscar nominee, and then the first winner for her role as Mammie. She played a version of that role many times in her career, but said, "I'd rather make $700 a week playing a maid than earn $7 a day being a maid." The slave roles in the film remained controversial, and for good reason. Malcolm X said of watching the film that, "When Butterfly McQueen went into her act, I felt like crawling under the rug."

20. The film has been re-released in theaters in the US eight time and made $400 million, which when adjusted for inflation is anywhere between $3 and $5 billion, making it the highest grossing film of all time. It is also believed to be the most watched film of all time, meaning more people bought tickets, regardless of their price, to this film than any other. While it is impossible to know the total number, an estimated 35 million tickets have been sold for theatrical screenings in the UK alone since 1939.

Everything that was enjoyable about Derick Martini's Lymelife is precisely what's wrong with Hick. Lymelife took care to build a nice suburban homestead and then pry up the floorboards and show you all the mold and rot. The characters slowly revolve to show their shadows, and it makes you complicit in the downfall. Hick, whose screenplay was written by the original novel's author Andrea Portes, plays out like a series of stuttered vignettes, linked in the way that things falling into a hole are all affected by gravity. It's a middle school play version of Natural Born Killers, little kids playing their elders parts, a sloppy confused version of The Getaway. The actors are all good, but it's like watching kids in their parents clothing playing dress-up. It's so cliché that it never has an opportunity to be tawdry, ugly blotchy like poorly done makeup and not because of deep tissue scarring.

Chloe Moretz plays Luli, a Nebraska teen who doodles while dreaming of a life in Vegas. Her home life is troubled, with a drunk father and a whorish mother, played by Juliette Lewis. You can practically see the wistfulness on Lewis's scrunchy features as she remembers when she would be playing Luli. Anyway, this part whisks by like a gust of wind rustling roadside stand postcards, and soon Luli's on the road with a bag full of her momma's tops, her sketchpad, and the handgun she got during her barroom birthday. She meets up with the rickety drifter Eddie (Eddie Redmayne), a cowpoke with a limp and a bad attitude. You get a bad feeling right away from the twitchy feller, as he seems the kind hench for real shittheels. Quickly, he's out and in drifts Glenda (Blake Lively), who leaps out of her car to piss next to a culvert and nearly bewettens the head of snoozing Luli. Glenda becomes a pseudo-role model to Luli, teaching her the virtues of snorting coke and robbing convenience stores.

Eventually all three paths intersect in what almost works as a narrative. Only it feels like someone trying to retell Lolita who's only ever seen "My Name is Earl" and "Married With Children." The acting's not terrible - Blake Lively does a fine job as the roadrunning post-Thelma and Louise landshark and Eddie Redmayne tends to be at his fishmouthed best when he's barely unstable - but it never quite finds a proper tone. It judders like a teen learning to drive stick, shifting gears erratically ruining both the smooth progression and probably breaking most of the shit inside. Rory Culkin and Alec Baldwin turn up as favors and to bolster the poster credits, but this is mostly about the three lead characters. There's never enough menace even when horrible things are happening, because the entire film feels like kids playing at things they read about in a magazine. Even with various attempted rapes, kidnappings, and murders in the story, nothing gets near the level of creepy as Rodney Dangerfield's brief turn as Mallory's father in Natural Born Killers.

It's kind of like that Carrie Underwood song "Before He Cheats." A gal founds out her man's cheating with some girl who can't handle whiskey, sings "Shania karaoke" and so she cuts up his tires and shatters his truck headlights with a baseball bat. Which, okay, it's a fake country song. But can you actually picture Carrie Underwood doing that? She's a fucking church mouse. I think she said fuck once and cried for a week. You aren't P!nk, honey. You wear pink. I figured with what Martini was able to do for Emma Roberts and the brothers Culkin in Lymelife, this would be a walk in the park. But it never truly gets as gruesome and horrible as it needs to. Lymelife burrows under the skin, while Hick is barely a rash.

Yet oddly, things didn't end there. There were a series of unfortunate and forgettable video games, and then in 2010, director Joseph Kosinski made Tron: Legacy. Despite bringing back the wonderful Jeff Bridges and Bruce Boxleitner, and adding notables such as Michael Sheen, Olivia Wilde, and the musical stylings of Daft Punk, the film was a miserable affair. Beautifully rendered with a unique visual flair, it was ultimately as empty and soulless as its antagonists (and not aided by a bland, uninteresting lead in Garrett Hedlund). Despite all of that, it still managed to make an impressive $400 million.

And so inevitably, the world of Tron is being resurrected again, now with the animated television series "Tron: Uprising," which debuts next month on the Disney XD cable network. Taking place between the original film and the events of the 2010 sequel, it features a new protagonist named Beck, who is yet another underdog taking on the massive, oppressive computer overlord Clu and his army of fiery colored shock troops. To whet your appetites, the pilot episode, "Beck's Beginning," is now available online (and embedded at the end of this review).

The series will be directed by Kosinski as well as Sean Bailey and Charlie Bean, and boasts an impressive cast -- Elijah Wood plays Beck, a program whose homeland is being subjugated by Clu (Fred Tatasciore), as represented by the nefarious General Tesler (Lance Henrikson). Beck seeks to take up the mantle of Tron to try to inspire the populace and incite a rebellion, and along the way, he encounters the original Tron (Boxleitner, reprising the role). Other actors include Mandy Moore and Nate Corddry as his friends Mara and Zed, and Emmanuelle Chriqui as Paige, General Tesler's chief program hunter/killer.

And you know what? The pilot is damn good. It's far superior to the garish sequel, and while the characters are somewhat stock and obvious, let's remember that this is an animated Disney series. But it's still smart and entertaining. It's helped by an absolutely stunning visual palette, and of course the advantage of using animation to recreate this unusual universe is that now all budgetary constraints are removed, and literally anything can be made a part of the Tron world. The show's creations include the staple lightscycles and bizarre, horseshoe-shaped flying battleships, but also whole new ideas and vehicles, each cleverly designed and sharply rendered. Tron: Legacy was very pretty, yet still felt somewhat sterile and cold. On the other hand, "Uprising" brings a needed sense of warmth and intimacy to its digital world, something that makes the characters more likable and the settings more interesting. The stark contrasts remain, but there's a new life to the set design, and the world seems sleeker with a greater sense of detail.

Even more importantly, the cast seems to work (at least based on this first 30 minutes). Wood is an enjoyable protagonist, full of self-doubt coupled with youthful bluster and naivete. Henrikson could probably play Tesler in his sleep, but his voice work thankfully doesn't mail it in, and instead gives the character a real sense of thoughtful menace, just as Boxleitner imbues Tron with a weary nobility. Most impressive was Emmanuelle Chriqui as Paige. The character's arc is already being somewhat telegraphed as she begins to doubt her masters, but she brings a cocky, self-assured strut to the series, made more fun by the way she casually kicks Beck's ass up and down the digital streets.

It's not a lot to go on, but "Tron: Uprising" is has the makings of becoming the strongest entry in this oddball franchise since its inception. It's a flashy, f ast-paced and well-acted new addition, adding a solid depth to the gaps in between the films. Most importantly, it's fun, something that was sadly missing from the sequel. The pilot is certainly worth checking out, and hopefully the series can continue to maintain its intensity and strange, light-filled techno-charm.

The World's End is already scheduled for a September start date, but with the recent, records breaking success of The Avengers, Marvel is understandably very excited about the future of the franchise, and Ant-Man (Hank Pym, if you're nasty) is a comic mainstay and fan favorite. Wright has stated that he could somehow shoot both movies this year, but considering 2012 is nearly half over and the Mayan Apocalypse is still penciled in for December 21, it's probably more likely that he could finish World's End and begin pre-production on Ant-Man this year. Undoubtedly, it would take a super human effort to actually complete both, and make them worthwhile. Or, Marvel could pony up the big bucks (relatively speaking, they're notoriously cheap bastards) and quietly demand their property gets top priority. Or, Wright could throw up his hands about the whole thing and quit the industry altogether, proving to the Internet once and for all that he's not a monkey! He's a man! A monkey... man!

Ahem.

If I were Wright, I'd find this a terrible position to be in, because by choosing one project over another you instantly leave open the possibility that the other project might not happen with you, or not at all. Look at Guillermo del Toro, who's first movie since 2008 still won't be out until next year and it's merely the first he'll actually seen through to completion since Hellboy II. For Wright, he likely feels the pull to get the band back together with Pegg and Frost, and he also knows his audiences' patience for World's End (or something like it) can only last so long. But he's merely a hired gun for Marvel, and just because he and Joe Cornish (Attack the Block) have been working hard on their Ant-Man script for years that doesn't make the studio beholden to their talents. It's entirely feasible Marvel gets, well, antsy and decides they can no longer wait, and nobody would blame Wright for abandoning the super hero for his passion project. After all, Scott Pilgrim wasn't received as positively as everyone expected, this might be his next (maybe even last) chance to become the next Favreau (Iron Man) or Whedon (The Avengers). Here's hoping he can find a way to balance passion with finances, and become the next Spielberg instead.

Rob Payne also writes the comic The Unstoppable Force, tweets on the Twitter @RobOfWar, and his wares can be purchased here (yes, you read that right, there's another issue finally available). Actually, he hopes Wright improves upon the Spielberg formula and avoids cinemabetes in his middle age.