The Daily Trade Round-Up / Dustin Rowles
We don’t have any huge industry news to report today, but stick around anyway; maybe I can dazzle you with my jazz hands.
Let’s start with this: Ron Howard is tossing around the idea of remaking the Juliet Binoche film Caché, which Jeremy reviewed positively last year. It’s about a bourgeois-bohemian couple whose world is torn asunder after they begin to receive a series of increasingly violent and voyeuristic video tapes. According to Jeremy’s review, it’s a metaphor for the French colonization of Algeria, though I can’t vouch for the accuracy of that statement; Jeremy thinks most movies are a metaphor for the French colonization of Algeria (see, e.g., Epic Movie, Dirty Love, and Brokeback Mountain — I know! He’s obsessed!). I’m not certain why anyone would want to remake a perfectly good film that’s less than two years old, but I’m guessing Ron will cast Russell Crowe, sanitize it for American audiences, take out all those annoying French people, and — I’m just speculating here — make it suck. Currently, Howard is working very hard to ensure that his remake of the James Dean flick East of Eden sucks, after which he’ll tackle Angels and Demons, which he’ll have to work extra hard on, lest it not suck as bad as The Da Vinci Code.
Moving from the narrator of “Arrested Development” to George Bluth II, Will Arnett is now attached to star in and produce Space Invader, a comedy about a love triangle on a space station. Mike Lisbe and Nate Reger, the writing team behind Space Invader, purportedly starting working on the script months before the Lisa Nowak shenanigans, but I’m guessing those events had studio execs all over Hollywood swimming in the slush piles, looking for a script with similarities to her story. I understand Space Invader was just barely chosen over a big-screen adaptation of the SNL advert, “Ooops I Crapped My Pants.”
And just to keep the “Arrested Development,” theme rolling, two of its cast members, Jason Bateman (Michael Bluth) and Michael Cera (George-Michael), have been cast alongside Allison Janney, Jennifer Garner, and Ellen Page in Juno. The script comes from first-time screenwriter, Diablo Cody, and if that sounds like a stripper name to you, it’s because it most certainly is. (Cody also wrote the memoir, Candy Girl: A Year in the Life of an Unlikely Stripper , which is the one and only pick that Letterman ever made for “Dave’s Book Club.”) Juno is a coming-of-age story about an offbeat girl (Page), who apparently makes a bizarre decision about her unborn child (idle speculation: she enrolls the infant for the next season of “Survivor”; hijinx ensue). Bateman plays husband to Garner, and the two are interested in adopting the unborn child. Cera will play Page’s best friend and knocker-upper. Jason Reitman (Thank You for Smoking) will direct. I will be playing the part of the attendee.
And now, the weekend box-office: The top film over the weekend, actually, is singularly responsible for Ms. Pajiba-hyphenate’s newly obtained expatriation. Upon learning, during an advert forGhost Rider that aired last night promoting itself as “the number one film in America,” she sadly renounced her citizenship, refusing to belong to a nation that would give Nicholas Cage and his fire-retardant brain $50 million in four days. Personally, it just strengthens my will — giving up now will only mean that the terrorists have won. Bridge to Terabithia put up a solid $28 million and, so far, hasn’t pissed off any of the book’s fans. Music and Lyrics cleared $21 million, after opening on Wednesday, despite its melodeath music and boy-band lyrics. Daddy’s Little Girls managed just $18 million, representing a significant drop-off from Tyler Perry’s previous efforts, and the comments on the review, as one commenter (Manny) noted, have “suddenly devolved into what can only be described as the blog equivalent of a bowel movement set to ‘bullet time.’” It’s the imagery that keeps on giving. Finally, Breach did all right, raking in $12 million, ensuring that Ryan Phillippe continues to blandicize films for a few more years.
This weekend, we’ve got another full slate on tap for you good folks, starting with Jim Carrey’s The Number 23, the actor’s first foray into horror films, if you don’t count How the Grinch Stole Christmas. We’ll also be reviewing Reno 911: Miami, and for those of you excited about it, just keep in mind that its writers are also responsible for Taxi, Herbie: Fully Loaded, The Pacifier, and Let’s Go to Prison, so keep your expectations in check. The Astronaut Farmer, a Billy Bob Thornton flick about a guy who plants rutabagas on the moon, opens in 2,155 theaters, while The Abandoned, about a house that “knows how you will die” opens on 1,000 screens. Amazing Grace will also open in 800 theaters, though I suspect — even if it’s positively reviewed — they will all remain empty; who the hell wants to see a movie about the origins of that particular song? I’m still waiting for Eli Roth’s big-screen version of the Misfits’ “Last Caress.”
And finally, not that you likely need any reminding, but the Oscars are Sunday. Given the slate of nominees, another Crash-like travesty is impossible. But come back to Pajiba on Monday anyway, and I’m sure we’ll have something to bitch about. If not, we’ll make something up — that’s the sort of dedication we have around here.
Dustin Rowles is the publisher of Pajiba. He lives with his wife in Ithaca, New York. You may email him, or leave a comment below.
Pajiba Love 02/22/07 | | Abandoned, The
Comments
I must say, I'm actually excited for The Abandoned, which is more than any other horror flick previews have done for me in the past few months.
Not too thrilled about the Oscars. Instead of watching them, I'll just read the review next week. :)
Posted by: Alyssa at February 23, 2007 10:37 AM
For a second I thought you were going to give Wild Hogs a pass - but then I remembered it doesn't open until March 2. Who's the lucky reviewer?
Posted by: Mike at February 23, 2007 11:13 AM
the blog equivalent of a bowel movement set to 'bullet time'
Manny, that is fucking brilliant!
Posted by: Lanky at February 23, 2007 11:21 AM
Wow, you got a Misfits reference into a trade roundup. Not an easy thing to do.
Posted by: jbrader at February 23, 2007 11:27 AM
I, too, am considering renouncing my citizenship because of the popularity the third-rate superhero film Ghost Rider. The character sucks in the comics, so I expected even more suckage with a film version--especially with that hack Nicholas Cage in it.
Thank god he never got to play Superman. I remember years ago MadTV did a spoof called "Leaving Metropolis" that featured Nic as a drunken Superman. I imagine it would have played out very similar to that.
Blech.
Posted by: Haggis at February 23, 2007 11:30 AM
The news that Ghost Rider was "the most popular film in America" and set a box-office record for its opening weekend IS mighty icky and depressing--at first glance.
1) Its opening weekend was February 16th. Bragging about your box office under these circumstances is kinda like bragging about your IQ while squatting in the monkey cage.
2) It made about $51 million last weekend. From what I've read online, it cost about $125 million to make. To make a respectable profit, the movie will have to have two MORE weekends as good as its first. Can anyone see that happening?
Tankety tankety tank.
Now, for God's sake, could Hollywood please blacklist Nicolas Cage for good and all?!
Posted by: Jerce at February 23, 2007 11:57 AM
I only half listened to the NPR interview of Amazing Grace's director yesterday, but it sounded more like a historical pic about slavery and the person who advocated its abolishment in Britain. It didn't sound half bad?
Posted by: Karina at February 23, 2007 12:17 PM
Cera will play Page's best friend and knocker-upper.
"Her?"
Posted by: tigi at February 23, 2007 12:22 PM
Karina, you beat me to the punch. I was moseying my way down the comments section just to pipe up and say that, IMO, it's the subject matter that will carry this movie (and the cast) _despite_ the nauseatingly-framed trailer I saw this morning on Apple. I'm assuming the actual film, when viewed, will make the song's origins some kind of slight metaphorical footnote, because the larger context of the BIGGEST MOST IMPORTANT PERIOD OF ENGLISH SOCIAL REFORMS must by necessity kind of steal the thunder.
I'd love to see more films about the reform process in England (spanning decades and many different issues)--it's an incredibly fascinating period. I hope they haven't cheesed this one up too much.
Posted by: ranylt at February 23, 2007 12:34 PM
About "Amazing Grace" - yeah, it is supposed to be about more than just the song. "Amazing Grace" was composed by a friend of William Wilberforce; Wilberforce spent a large part of his life campaigning against slavery in England. The movie is supposed to be about Wilberforce and his efforts to get slavery outlawed in Britain.
If you don't mind the mildly conservative slant, there's a decent article about the movie, Wilberforce, and that period of time in English history, over on OpinionJournal.com. Just do a search for "Amazing Grace" in the search bar that's way down on the left side of the page.
Posted by: Camille at February 23, 2007 12:59 PM
Man, I love you guys, but you know someone HAS to review Amazing Grace, it's just what you're ALL about!
Posted by: paris at February 23, 2007 1:23 PM
I'm calling the bluff of everyone who's renouncing their citizenship. If you didn't do it after Epic Movie became #1, you're obviously made of sterner stuff than that.
Posted by: Sam at February 23, 2007 2:22 PM
the blog equivalent of a bowel movement set to 'bullet time'
"Manny, that is fucking brilliant!"
Posted by: Lanky at February 23, 2007 11:21 AM
Thanks, Lanky. All glory to the Pajiba! I haven't scene Ghost Rider yet but I know I will at some point. I sincerely hoped that Nic Cage would have brought a more brooding and somber perspective to the Johnny Blaze character, but apparently he kicked that idea to the curb in favor of Easy Rider meets Larry the Cable Guy.....*sigh*. However, I'm a sucker for comic book adaptations, but I'll spare my fiance the experience in order to ensure her patriotism and that I still have access to the ill poonanny(cuz' I'm hood like dat). I'm basically a sucker for any movie that's a departure from the usual muck that the fucktards at the MPAA give a PG-13 or lower rating. I'm going to start posting a current list of what is out from my Netflix Qeue to give ya'll a peek into the pop culture addled recesses of a mind that has spen waaaaaaay too much time in front of either my TV, a movie screen, or on various pharmaceutically assisted euphorias.
Currently out:
Wal Mart: The high cost of low price
A Dirth Shame
An Inconvenient truth
Posted by: Manny at February 23, 2007 2:27 PM
Correction:
Dirty Shame
Posted by: Manny at February 23, 2007 2:27 PM
"I'm still waiting for Eli Roth's big-screen version of the Misfits' "Last Caress." "
I want it
Posted by: Joe at February 23, 2007 2:40 PM
I think the man who wrote the song was himself an actual slave trader--he used to travel on the ships and everything. He had a conversion of character, and wrote the song as a response to his shame and guilt over his former life. And the other stuff, the 'Grace' and all of that. Not trying to sound flippant, I'm just remember my high school days working as accompanist for the school choir. Zoiks, high school kids ruin everything.
Posted by: M at February 23, 2007 3:01 PM
sooooo...any chance y'all will be reviewing a movie any time soon? i know we all love a chance to show the universe how clever we are, but really "scathing reviews for bitchy people"? celebrity gossip/industry news ≠ reviews.
Posted by: meridel at February 23, 2007 3:23 PM
Camille, you're right about the origins of "Amazing Grace." John Newton was a slave trader, and he was actually a slave to an African woman for awhile. It was his becoming a Christian and abandoning his trade that inspired him to write the song.
It sounds great, but I worry that they'll turn it into a hugely bloated, self-important flick that glosses over every religious cliche known to the Christian Church. Christianity does not have to equal Hallmark! I just wish more Christians knew that (And yes, I am one).
Posted by: bonnie at February 23, 2007 3:39 PM
I understand Space Invader was just barely chosen over a big-screen adaptation of the SNL advert, "Ooops I Crapped My Pants."
Snarf!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I saw Reno 911 today. It had it's moments but was a bit raunchy for my tastes.
Posted by: litelysalted at February 23, 2007 7:01 PM
Tigi: nice one.
Posted by: JP at February 23, 2007 10:55 PM
Aw, Manny! I'm so glad you made it out of the DLG comments alive! Whatcha do to give 'em the slip?
Sam is right. If Epic Movie didn't get you to run for Canada, nothing will. Besides, we need MORE people with taste, not less. If you leave, the MySpacers win.
Posted by: Vermillion at February 23, 2007 11:52 PM
I WANT ARRESTED BACK. ANY CHANCES? ANYONE KNOW????
Posted by: iamgob at February 24, 2007 9:12 AM
I might consider renouncing my citizenship on the Ghost Rider news, but having lived in a couple of other countries, I know that other nations have some pretty embarrassing citizens as well. Yikes. I won't impugn them by naming them at this point, but the USA actually doesn't have the worst reality TV, for example.
Posted by: Lainie at February 24, 2007 10:41 AM
In the name of commenting on the literary part of this article, I highly recommmend the book "Candy". I don't personally know much about nude dancing, but the book was fun and just dirty enough to make you squirm. I think even non-readers would enjoy it. Also, it may give you some ideas to carry over to your own sex life.
Posted by: bebemiqui at February 24, 2007 11:00 AM
I can sum up Ron Howard in one word: bland.
Apollo 13 was semi-watchable though.
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at February 24, 2007 5:55 PM
Hey Vermillion,
I'm tellin ya, I barely got out with my life. Sadly though, I didn't get out unscathed. I have this nervous tick now that kicks in whenever someone says "Hallelujah".....
On a more positive noteI now have a second mission in life (the first being to destroy Perez Hilton) that being to expose Tyler Perry for what he really is: An android from the planet Obvious sent to undermine the world of cinema with substandard films and putting fugly gospel singers on film.
Posted by: Manny at March 5, 2007 3:45 PM