Pajiba

Shocking!

Where is Fred Savage? This is blasphemous!

John Stamos on Full House was my first crush. *sigh*

Really? Kirk Cameron before Joey "He's So Dreamy" Lawrence? Not in my list, pal. Not in my list.

Oh, Kirk Cameron. I used to get home after school and watch reruns of Growing Pains on the disney channel all the time back in the day (a fairly recent day, actually).

Too bad he had to go and get all scary and religious. Also, have you seen the chick who played Carol now? She got hot. And okay, yes, so maybe I've seen the E True Hollywood Story.

... I'll go crawl away in shame now.

Rob Lowe pre DNC

You put up a Michael J. Fox photo but he's not even in the list? That's false advertising.

You can't have Andrew McCarthy without James Spader and Rob Lowe and John Cusack and even Robert Downy Jr. I'd put all of them on this list and remove the others.

Wait a minute. Leave Johnny - I don't know what I was thinking.

Huh, none of these guys particularly did anything for me. Actually, I always found Joey Lawrence overrated and kind of annoying. Never was much for the dumb boys. Had a huge crush on Blossom's troubled oldest brother, though. Was that really the 80s?! I'd have thought early 90s...

Oh maybe it's just me, but I don't agree with anyone on that list with the exception of Andrew McCarthy and maybe John Stamos.

My one and only in the 80's was Michael Schoeffling...I mean he WAS Jake Ryan, only the dreamiest guy in school.

Thanks to Dlisted, I know who Jeremy Jordan is, AND that he was in Never Been Kissed. As a high schooler. When he was 30.

I didn't think he was hot in NBK, but this hair is making me reconsider him.

I'm going on the record and stating that I've never tossed one to any of these guys. More than once, anyways... Other than that, I have no comment.

Wow! I don't know any of these guys except for Johnny Depp (who's gross). I can't believe Michael J. Fox didn't make the list.

No James Spader circa Tuff Turf?

This list is WORTHLESS. GOD why DO I EVEN COME HERE!

Sabrina, that picture is GLORIOUS.

I know it's from 92/93, but did anyone else have a crush on Shane McDermott? From Airborne? That awesomely horrible roller blading movie with Seth Green's ill-advised date outfit montage and a young Jack Black?

Whatever, eat me.

To be honest I kinda like Kirk Cameron, he seems like a nice enough guy. But recently I found out that he's on some kind of a religious journey. I hope he doesn't end up like that Baldwin guy. It seems as though in Hollywood the only way to become born again is with the assistance of meth.

Well Skitz, it's like the old saying, if you gotta ask how much it cost you can't afford it. I guess what I'm saying is that I never had the need to tell somebody that I didn't toss one on account of some guy. But listen, I still think you're a great guy.

Oh, Andrew MaCarthy was sooooo dreamy.

"BLAINE? What the hell kind of a name is BLAINE?!"

And...holy shit I just looked at a recent picture of him and wow...uh...dude looks like a history teacher.

Weird.

Matthew Broderick? Anyone? Anyone?

Seriously, Dustin? That list blows except for Depp. And John Stamos is much hotter now than he ever was in that show he did.

Your honorable mentions belong on the list. Matt Dillon, MJF and Ralph Macchio, all hotter than everyone you put in the top 5, except for Depp.

Ooh, and I forget about the "Jake Ryan" guy, he was nuclear hot. Maybe he still is.

The only part I found genuinely funny in Fred Claus is where Fred's at sibling therapy with some "famous brothers," and he gets into an argument with Stephen Baldwin. Baldwin totally shits all over himself in the scene, and it's hilarious.

Kirk Cameron? blech! V-A-N-I-L-L-A. i suppose i don't have much room to criticize since i loved Richard Grieco and Keanu Reeves. actually, i still think Keanu Reeves is sexy in a dumb and dirty way.

my main 80's crush was Jake Ryan--the character--but i think every slightly dorky girl in the 80s loved Jake.

What about Christian Slater? I know it was the tail end of the 80s, but if an exception can be made for Joey Lawrence, Slater should get one too.

Oh yes, that wasn't completely random, I was trying to follow Pookie's comment.

I liked Cory Haim and River Phoenix. My god look at Haim now though. He's as unrecognizable as Donnie Wahlberg in The Sixth Sense.

Rob Lowe...oh how my young quivering loins, um, quivered for Soda Pop Curtis. *sigh* And John Stamos before he was on Full House. When he was Blackie on General Hospital.

I always thought Andrew McCarthy seemed like he needed to blow his nose...

My, we liked them fresh-faced and non-threatening, didn't we.

I was born in 80, so I was a young lass, but MY crushes were:

5. Michael Keaton in Batman.
4. Jordan from New Kids. I was obviously into Meth as a little girl.
3. The older son from The Great Outdoors. ...I don't know.
2. Alec Baldwin in Beetlejuice. Was it the glasses? The flannel? The way he could poke out his won eyes?
1. Brand from the Goonies. Oh if only he could save ME from the Fratellis.

what about the COREYS!

COREYSCORESYCOREYSCOREYSCOREYS!!!!!

Slim will tell you who the best 80's heartthrobs are, fuck Rowles and his commie list:

1. Spader
2. that dude from Sixteen Candles (also in Vision Quest)
3. Judd Nelson
4. John Stockwell
5. Matthew Modine

What the crap that was Donnie Wahlberg in The Sixth Sense? Jesus H. Christ on a dinosaur, it was!

Rob Lowe! YES, Lainey! Sodapop! oooh Sodapop!

He was so dreamy. I watched The Outsiders so many, many times because of him.

And Ralph Machio of course. Loved that little guy.

Lainey you must be particularly careful when using the words quivering or quivered, because sometimes it can come out as queef.

While I was a teen in the 80's none of these guys made my heart throb (except for Jonny Depp and he didn't come on my radar until 21 Jump Street which was laate 80's if I recall and by then I was no longer a teen.)

All in all--your list is crap.

Uh..hello.. Duran Duran?

Get a girl to compile it next time, Dusty.

I saw Joey Lawrence on some dancing show and he was bald. Thing is, it didn't look "for real" bald - it looked like he was wearing a size-too-small, high-gloss, bald cap. It looked fake. What the hell's up with his head?

BSlim, great call, Judd Nelson was f*cking harsh.

McCarthy would be at the top of my list just for weekend at bernies (and he looks just like my boy al), but how could you leave off TEEN WOLF??!!? I mean, no human can resist him in wolf form, he surfs on VANS and can dunk at his height. unreal

As far as I can remember, I only had 3 tiger beat posters on my wall: Chad Allen (!!), Leonardo Dicaprio, and Jonathan Brandis (RIP).
Now blonde guys repulse me. This may be residual feelings from just watching the latest episode of The fucking Hills and wanting to rip off his head and vomit down his neck more than I have ever wanted to before.
SERIOUSLY. I need someone to intervene. HELP ME stop watching this fucking show!

And...what about all the dudes in The Outsiders?

Your failure is now complete Rowles.

What does that feel like? A man defeated, holding on to past glories, balding, paunchy...wow...

oh, i forgot about River Phoenix. i loved him. also, John and Roger Taylor from Duran Duran

BSlim that's a good list. personally, i found Vision Quest quite inspirational. i wanted to be in a Matthew Modine/Jake Ryan sandwich.

"But in the end, these were the five that really mattered, the ones from whom you made your ribbon-y hair stiff and your panties wet moist."

My work here is done.

There is a serious James Spader deficit in this list.

Mmm Jake Ryan.. he was still super dreamy in Mermaids, too.

Oh, the Coreys. Yes, I had that crush. Back and forth between the two of them, which one I liked more depended on my whims of the day. How many times did I watch Dream a Little Dream? A lot of times.

It's funny, I didn't develop a thing for Spader until more recently. But, now I go back and watch those .. ahem, "gems" and find him absolutely gorgeous. Interesting how tastes change. Except, of course, for Johnny Depp, whom I have loved since his very first appearance in Nightmare on Elm Street. Yes, children, I was around (and a teenager) when that movie debuted. Heady days, my friends, heady days.

Oh and JULIE!! SHANE MCDERMOTT = Love. I watched Airborne way more than it warranted. If it comes on TV now, I still watch it and gaze dreamily. Oh, little Seth Green, you're so silly.

but i think every slightly dorky girl in the 80s loved Jake.

And at least he was nice to us Farmer Teds.

Between this mixed media male list and the TV daughters, someone from the 80s is criminally falling into the crack.

That's right, Michelle Meyrink, specifically Michelle Meyrink in "Real Genius".

Do you know? Do you know what it's like to love so fiercely?

I still watch Full House, despite its sacrine sweet themes and terrible acting just to see John Stamos. I loved him then and I love him now!
Yeah I am pathetic, its even worse b/c I was still in Grad school at the beginning of this year and had a lot of time on my hands, so I watched it almost daily. Good thing I have job now and spend my day tolling websites like this one!

Ew ew ew. The Coreys looked like if you got too close to their crotches you'd smell a faint whiff of Love's BabySoft. No no no.

AvB, while I can't say that I really crushed on a Corey, I think I can quote Dream A Little Dream in it's entirety. I even have DaLD 2 on DVD. Yeah, they made a sequel. It involved magic sunglasses. Classic.

I do not get Johnny Depp, at all. With most other hotties that I personally don't find attractive, I can at least see the appeal, but Depp looks like a rat.

Anyways, I was born in 86, so this list doesn't apply to me. I did love Leo DiCaprio on Growing Pains, though. When I went home last month, I found my old Leo binder, and a signed picture.

I'm hanging that picture on my wall later today.

Jamiepants, why are you yelling at me?! heheh. I can't believe there's a sequel... a sequel with magic sunglasses. Awesome. Does the sequel contain a Corey, though?
Also, Julie, I couldn't help it. It was the 80s, and I was suffering my adolescence, filled to the brim with roiling hormones. I had a crush on almost everyone.

Sabrina, me either. I've never found him the least bit attractive. He reminds me too much of Prince.

Two words:

Limp noodle.

I'm not sure what it means, but that's just what he makes me think of. Wet, limp noodles.

No James Spader, Judd Nelson, or RDJr? For shame.

Sorry AvB, you just make me so mad sometimes! I swear, baby, I'll change. That was the last time. I only hit you because I love you so much.
The sequel has BOTH Coreys. Take that.

A list and 51 comments on this subject with no Scott Baio...

You mean John Stamos is really a dude?

Um, I second the need for Spader and Jake Ryan. How many times have I creamed my pants thinking about those two...and me, sigh...

But really, Julie, holy shit. I totally forgot about Airborne. Best movie ever.

Well, I'll be...Kirk Cameron was pretty cute.

Shame how he turned out, though.

Our "leader" also left out: Craig Scheffer, the asshole proto-nazi blond dude from Karate Kid and Panchito Gomez (for the latin ladies)

no james spader? really?

AAAHH! B-Slim, Craig Scheffer has a head the size of a wildebeast and William Zabka looks like a date rapist!

James Spader.

James SPADER.

JAMES fucking SPADER.

GOD.

Oh god, figgy, Prince is another guy whose purported sex appeal completely mystifies me.

As has been said before a heart throb list with no River Phoenix??? He was my first true cinema crush, I walked out of Stand By Me and got right in line for another ticket (something that had not happened before and has never happened again). I was 11 and totally in love.

And I can't believe my first tv crush hasn't even made the list yet! Ricky Schroeder was so cute! I loved Silver Spoons and he was probably the reason for my first Tiger Beat purchase.

I have to agree with the Rob Lowe love. Boy was foxy in the 80s.

Chad Allen was my first crush. A crush that foreshadowed my fondness for sexually ambiguous men and my heartbreak upon discovering they were in fact, gay. Bummer.

And I remember Jeremy Jordan. He has not aged well at all, bless his heart.

Kirk Cameron is fucking douche run-off compared to Andrew McCarthy.

In fact, he's douche run-off anyway.

If anyone has seen Kayanne, can you please tell her I'm looking for her? thank you.

Is there no love...anywhere...for Christopher Atkins? He's the man who inspired some of the guys in college to get some very ill-advised perms (one guy's was affectionately referred to as the "poo-doo".) I even liked him in "A Night in Heaven" - and he's still kinda hawt (and soon to be featured on a new show on VH-1, so I've heard.)

And, I was (and always will be) completely down with Jake Ryan. Sigh.

We need the rest of the "brat pack", we need Duran Duran, we need all of the outsiders, we need Lloyd fucking Doppler for godtopus' sake. We do not need Joey Lawrence! Christ, were you even alive in the 80's?

Can I ask why on earth a man put together this list? 'cause it really shows. seriously, fucking Stamos??? And of all the Rat Pack-ers, you picked McCarthy?? We all know Spader could eat McCarthy for breakfast? And one pick (Joey Lawrence) which biggest job (Blossom) didn't even start until 1990??

Seriously, where are the Coreys? Or River? Or hell, what about some music heartthrobs?? Duran Duran? NKOTB? Severely disappointing list.

And Julie, a big HELL YES to Airborne, although it also didn't come out in the 80's.

Oh wow! Phat girl, long time no see. How was your vacation in Mumbai?

Craig Scheffer, the asshole proto-nazi blond dude from Karate Kid and Panchito Gomez (for the latin ladies)
Posted by: BarbadoSlim at December 2, 2008 4:23 PM

Was that the asshole from Some Kind of Wonderful? Dammit, I didn't want to, but I wanted him something fierce!!

Oooh and Ricky Shroeder. How cute was he? I'm going to regret this, I know it, in addition to my teenage lurst (love/lust/thirst) for Rob Lowe, I also wanted Joe Elliot from Def Leppard. Like SO BAD. Wanted. Hard.

I can't believe I just admitted that in a public place...

Julie & jamiepants, I have never heard of this Airborne movie. I was not aware there existed rollerblading movies which were not Prayer of the Rollerboys. I don't know if you've seen that, but... well, it ain't good.

Shockingly, IMDb tells me that Airborne happened two years AFTER Prayer of the Rollerboys. Why in the fucking hell anyone would think a movie about rollerblading would ever be a good idea just completely mystifies me, but to STILL think so after Prayer of the Rollerboys? That's one of the most aggressively remedial things I've ever heard.

Was that the asshole from Some Kind of Wonderful?
Posted by: Lainey at December 2, 2008 5:22 PM

------------------------------------------------

Yup that's the Corvette drivin' a-hole.

He and Stephen Dorff were sort of interchangeable back in the day.

You weren't the only one who had a thing for Blossom's older brother Meaux...you weren't the only one.

Joey Lawrence??? JOEY LAWRENCE?

No offense, but he wasn't even a teen heartthrob in the 80s (his most well-known gig in the 80s was as the cute moppet on "Give Me a Break," - which, if teen girls found *that* sexy, I'd be sad for them).

This list needs, as mentioned many times above, James Spader and Rob Lowe. There's no way in hell Lowe should be off this list.;)

If anyone has seen Kayanne, can you please tell her I'm looking for her? thank you.

Posted by: Pookie

-------

Pooks, I'm right here. *sigh* Your crush on me is adorable, but a little exhausting, mister.

And I remember seeing Sixteen Candles when I was like 9. Jake Ryan is why I've never questioned my heterosexuality.

Way, way, way too safe in that "My mom thinks they're darling" kind of way. And no Val Kilmer? No Rob Lowe? Seriously random strikeouts across the board (except for Mr. Depp who is always okay on so many levels).

my heart belonged to matt dillon.

Seriously, I demand a recount.

Joey Lawrence? As others have pointed out, wasn't hot (and was a kid) in the 80's, only goofily cute in the 90's and most of us had come to our senses and stopped liking that type by that decade anyway.

John Stamos? Uh, in the 80's, he was like, old, dude. To an 11 year old, anyway. Us young girls didn't even know about him much til Full House came around, and by then he was cool Uncle Joey, hot, but still old.

Andrew McCarthy? Yeah, I had serious love for him, but I was also a huge dork. Most girls went for the Spade.

Johnny Depp? Legendarily hot, only gets hotter with age, but doesn't make the top five for this list. He wasn't on most girls' radar too much til the 90's.

Kirk Cameron? Yeah, I'll give you that most girls were obsessed, but hottest of the 80's? Um, no. Cutest, best dimples maybe, most popular boy in school, but he does not top this list.

List needs redone. By a girl. Who was born in the 70's and came into adolescence/puberty in the 80's.

We need,among others:

River Phoenix
A Corey (or two if you must)
James Spader
The Jake Ryan
A New Kid

I demand a new list (as a top ten, preferably)

Chad Allen was the only actor that I wrote to in my pre-teen days that wrote me back. For that I will always love him even if I can never have him.

jason bateman-teen wolf 2

i'm totally on board with all the james spader love around here.

and my prized poster hanging on my door circa 1985 was eddie van halen, shirtless with that guitar covered in tape.

Celery: A-to-the-men. Matt Dillon was (and remains) absolutely gorgeous.

My first thought, like many posters, was "Where the fuck is Spader?" Though I must admit I fancied McCarthy, as well. Honorable mention to Ralph Macchio.

Kind of an obscure one and possibly not 80s, but I always had a HUGE crush on Marco Hofschneider of "Europa, Europa."

I've had a crush on James Spader from the moment I saw his snide Steff-ness. As the first to mention Mr. Spader, please realize he is mine and mine alone. Now move along.

Julie, I had a giant crush on Shane McDermott. That year I begged my parents to buy me Bauer rollerblades all thanks to Airborne. I was just thinking about him this past weekend when I was moving and packed my old 'blades in the moving van.

Yeah, and the lack of the Cusack, RDJ and Spader is astonishing. Just look at my vhs collection. Nothing but rag tag library of 80s and 90s movies with dudes i found attractive at the time. I seriously own Bad Influence based on this criteria and refuse to throw it out.

I also will never get what all the panty-throwing is about for Depp. Man needs to bathe!

I second the Andrew McCarthy, and agree that the list is severely lacking in Rob Lowe and JAKE FREAKING RYAN!!!! Mr. Ryan forever ruined my realistic expectations of men.

Jeremy Jordan has been getting a lot of play on dlisted lately.

WHERE IS RICKY SCHROEDER? WHERE IS JASON BATEMAN?

I know this is bridging decades but no Mario Lopez or what his name? Zack Morris?

I second the Ricky Schroeder love. River Phoenix was amazing, I cannot believe he is not on this list. Also, no love for Wil Wheaton, and his dozens of Swatches? Just me? Hello??

Now, given I grew up in redneck country, but a lot of girls I went to high school with LOVED Jon Bon Jovi. It is a love I never shared, as I loved Larry Mullen Jr. of U2. I was obviously supercool.

Also, I just jumped to the next article, and can't believe the boys from Dead Poet's Society don't deserve a mention? Remember how cute Ethan Hawke used to be? Robert Sean Leonard and the guy from Sport's Night?

And at least he was nice to us Farmer Teds

*sigh* that was a big part of Jake Ryan's appeal. of course, i liked Anthony Michael Hall too--at least in Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, and Weird Science. when he started to lose the nerd i lost interest.

Wesley Crusher was my 90s Jake Ryan + Farmer Ted. aka, perfect.

I love how this website just gets gayer and gayer by the day. Pretty soon, I expect a Totally Random List on the Best Lubricants to Use for Backdoor Relations. (And if you need any advice, be sure to hit me up.) Honestly, Dustin, just come on out already and make an honest man out of me.

But seriously, my favorite, REALLY random teen heartthrobs of the 80s:

Patrick Dempsey. He could buy my love. He could be my pizza delivery boy/gigilo. He could even lose his virginity to me at a cheesy summer camp.

Scott Baio. I wanted Charles in charge of lots of things. Lots of things.

Judd Nelson. Whether a young Republican or a misunderstood bad boy, I always loved his face.

Jay Underwood. That kid who could fly in The Boy Who Could Fly. Yeah, I know, weird.

And finally, the Little House on the Prairie Trio.. Almanzo (Dean Butler), Albert (Matthew Laborteaux), and James (Jason Bateman). I was an odd kid.

Honorable Mention: The twin brothers from The Hogan Family. Swooooon.

I agree with The Pink Hulk about the Little House on the Prairie dudes. Man, I had forgotten about them, too. They were hot. Esp. that Matthew Laborteaux.

As long as we're sharing, I'll go ahead and reveal a '70s crush (yeah, I'm old): the dark-haired dude on Emergency! Cute paramedic played by Randolph Mantooth. Seriously, that's his name. And he's still pretty hot, for an old dude.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar. I thought he was TOPS.

Mark-Paul Gosselaar. I thought he was TOPS.

Oooh ooh ooh...one more, and then I promise I'm done:

Bill Allen, the dude who played "Cru" in the movie RAD. Man, oh man, could he work a BMX bike...

He's still kinda hot...

http://www.billallenrad.com/

Oh my God, you guys. The "Little House" dudes?

Okay, I have seen every episode of "Little House on the Prairie". Every episode -- probably at least ten times. I goddamn love that stank-ass show. But... you think those dudes were hot? For serious? They all had hockey hair! Adam's was probably the least foofy, but his eyes were terrifying, just like that lady in the tv-movie version of The Scarlet Letter that they made us watch in tenth grade with that guy who played the jackassy boyfriend in Big and the dad in Home Alone and I always think he's the same guy who was in Children of a Lesser God, but that was totally a different guy. Almanzo kind of had tard face because he was always sporting that idiotic lopsided grin, and also? He was seriously stupid. Like, dumb as hell kinda stupid. James was boring -- he and Cassandra both sucked even worse than Carrie (who totally had special needs). Neither of them ever had the common courtesy to go blind or fall down a well or die in a fire or anything. All dumb old James ever did was get sick that one time and then Pa went crazy and hauled him up that mountain and grew a Grizzly Adams beard and built an obelisk and healed him with faith or some shit. But Albert? ALBERT?? He had that lip thing! You know, just like Morla in the Swamp of Sadness from The Neverending Story! Turtle-lipped with hockey hair? That shit ain't hot. Besides, he died of, like, Unspecified Terminal Nosebleeds! Laaaaaaaame.

You know who was hot, though? Gilbert Blythe from the Anne of Green Gables movies. Oh, the filthy things I'd have let that guy do to me! I mean, if i had known what filth was. I was only eight or nine, so I hadn't read any of the V.C. Andrews books and sullied my innocence yet. I don't think I had even read the Sweet Valley High Dear Sister book and been scandalised by Bruce Patman touching Elizabeth's boob yet.

Isn't Kirk Cameron that guy that goes round with that weird bearded dude who thinks bananas are proof against evolution or some shit?

Oh yes, here we go. Prepare to have your mind BLOWN!
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=2z-OLG0KyR4

Oh Sarina, poor Sarina...so superficial...so missing the point.

The thing is...the Ingalls were PRAIRIE MEN. The only parallel of recent times being Jack and Ennis of Brokeback infamy. They were rugged, grizzly, honest, and bathed in streams. They chopped wood, had rough hands, and probably did bad things to each other behind the Olsens' general store, drunk on lust and homemade muscadine wine. Men like the Ingalls bring to mind words like "seeding" and "plowing." They were all fertile and hirsute and masculine.

And how dare you say James was boring? He got SHOT, for Chrissakes! If it's enough to launch a career for 50 Cent, it's enough to make James an object of youthful affection.

The point is that they weren't hot just by conventional standards. They were hot by rugged, realistic standards. You don't move to Alaska and expect all the men up there to look like John Corbett. You know that there's going to be an errant lip or a wonky eye or a Palin as an in-law. It's the sweaty desperation and the innocence just begging to be lost that you have to appreciate. I mean, I'm not kidding when I say that I could still be arrested in several states for the things I would have done to Almanzo and Pa, likely at the same time...

OK, I'm clearly worked up here. It's 2am, and I'm waxing erotic about the men of fucking Little House. I blame the Prednisone I'm taking for this damned bronchitis. I also blame the Peppermint Schnapps, also um, for the bronchitis.

Okay, first of all, those outlaws who shot James were seriously the lamest outlaws in the history of ever. And second, that episode wasn't even really about dumb old James! He was just the excuse to send Pa and Mr. Edwards (and lame-o Albert, because he never did what he was told) to track down the bank robbers, because that episode was really about a tribute to Michael Landon's "Bonanza" days.

And let me tell you right now, there ain't a lotta prairie left here in Minnesota, but what little remains would probably rise up and forcibly eject any of those "Little House" fools. The coolest guy on that stupid fucking show was Nells Oleson, and he wasn't remotely hot because he was old and bald kinda frail and reminded me of my grandpa (but with less pot belly). None of those guys were rugged. Most of them couldn't even sit on a horse properly! Hirsute and masculine, my ass. Mr. Edwards was probably the most masculine one of the bunch, and he was gross. All grizzled with that horrendous beard, and he chewed! Guh-ross.

However, I must say that it thrills me to my tippy toes that you know so much about that godawful nightmare of a show. I'm not sure where you live, but if it's remotely near me, I would totally watch every episode with you. Jesus, I love "Little House". It's one of the worst things I've ever seen, and I adore it with every fibre of my being.

Who ARE all those little girls?

I was too old for them, in the 80's I was nursing my Christopher Walken crush.

In the 1980's, my little heart beat only for River Pheonix.

Sarina--oo, I forgot about Gilbert Blythe! I can't remember the actor's name anymore, but back then I had a serious crush on the guy. I even tracked down some of his obscure movies (which was hard in those dark days before the internet), all of which sucked. They still didn't suck as much as the last Green Gables series--the one where the creators decided to just chuck the whole storyline of the books, and Green Gables goes through a century's worth of deterioration in five years, and Diana is a snobby rich bitch, and Gilbert goes off to war and Anne follows him for some reason and winds up ducking grenades in a war zone while dressed as a nun and carrying a baby. Gilbert had gray hair by the end but was still hot.

Also loved Robert Sean Leonard, although I was pissed at him for offing himself in Poets just 'cause his daddy was mean to him. He's even cuter now that he's older and put on a little weight.

But my main 80s crushes were Pierce Brosnan and Harrison Ford. I apparently like my men to be at least 20 years older than me. I wouldn't have recognized anyone on that list, except Lawrence, and him only because of that stupid catch phrase of his, "whoa", said in that super-retarded voice. Dumb is NOT a turn on.

Randolph Mantooth was a saint.

Oh yeah, becks? Well, I'd like to take him out for a nice steak dinner and then never call him again.

And Sarina, I'm in Alabama, but if you ever make it down this way, you're ON for a Little House marathon. It is truly the wind beneath my wings.

Man, you guys are old. I'm going to try and sneak in the "Saved By The Bell" guys on a technicality (show started in 1989) but given that one of my growing-up crushes was Joey Lawrence's little brother on "Boy Meets World", I think the relevance of this particular random list may have passed me by...

you forgot RALPH MACCHIO!!!!!

i don't know how the kids do the fancy html bold stuff, but come on!

Are these your crushes, Dustin?

No wonder you left out Jake Ryan.

No shit Sarina, I JUST finished watching the Carrie down the well/mine episode two minutes before I logged on and saw your post. And then I laughed and laughed and laughed. They shoulda left her ass down there. I always thought the part in the opening title sequence when she falls down wasn't planned; the crew was probably like, oh God, there she goes again, fuck it, let's just leave it in. Special needs indeed. Comment diversion: worst child actors. Carrie totally wins.

This just in; people who criticize His Purpleness are geldings. Yes, girl geldings.

P.S. I was born in '82, and carefully hid a deep well of longing for Kermit the Frog.

P.P.S. Need a '90s list, so I can tell you all just how quickly I became a woman while Angela was visiting the stairwell with Jordan Catalano. He was leaning, you see...

As a little one, I was in love with Hefty the Smurf. Top that.

i put scott baio more in the '70s group, with leif garret, john travolta and sean cassidy.

once chachi burnt down arnolds, he was dead to me.

matt dillon, on the other hand, was one of the few whose hotness made it into the next decade.

Oh Julie

I still watch Airborne every time it's on. And, fun fact, the song when he's skating through the garden thing with Nickie is a Jeremy Jordan song.

I just know things, okay?

You know how some things just stick in your head, and then you say them, and if someone knows what you're saying then it's like meeting your soulmate?

I bring this up because I quote Edie McClurg for no reason: Do you boys want some grape koolaide? Come on father, and don't burn the oleo.

Leaving River Phoenix off this list is downright shameful.

And Dustin, I see through your smoke screen of mis-dating Hammer Pants (actually an early 90's thing). You had a pair. Admit it.

tinmo, have you ever seen the "Godsister" episode? They don't show it very often... for good reason. Let's just say it was Carrie's special needs moment in the sun. My favourite episodes are the one when the mime raped Sylvia and then she fell down a ladder and died, and the one with the blind school fire when Alice Garvey smashed Mary's baby into a window and then they both died. I also love the time Jenny drowned. Or the other time Jenny drowned.

Family show, my ass. That show was a hot mess of violence and mind warping. No wonder I love it.

Julie, I totally brought up that movie last week at work, and people looked at me like I was effin crazy. I loved Airborne. And Swan's Crossing. Shane McDermott was the tasty in both.

Dustin how could you not put Johnny Depp first, that is such blasphemy! I will NEVER forgive you for this...AND putting Kirk Cameron INSTEAD of Scott Baio is also really messed up!

Jeremy Jordan was this pop due or whatever. He was also in Never Been Kissed...hahaha....!

Christian Bale in Little Women was hummmmuna, hummmuna...mmmmm!

Sarina, am I fabricating an episode in which Nellie Olson was in a wheelchair and went flying down a hill and was all still at the bottom (she lived)?

If I'm not fabricating that, that episode terrified me.

I loved Albert, by the way, and his big, limpid brown eyes.

Sarina, my favorite is probably the one where Laura has those visions of Mrs. Olson locking her up in a barn or some such thing and making her like, her slave or something, and Laura's face is all sweaty and streaked with dirt and she's got the ragged clothing and ratty hair and the Little House Violins of Doom screech as she's forced to carry buckets of water with an ox yoke...

Or what about when Albert was on morphine?

Seriously, what the hell was up with this show?!?!? I always argue with my mom about this, I love it so but I know LIW would be appalled at what they did to her series, but my mom insists that the show is "pretty true to the books." Um, what? Yeah mom, those must be the lost editions that I never got around to reading, the ones about rape, drug addiction, Laura stuffing her bra with apples, and those two orphan kids that came outta nowhere.

Sarina, am I fabricating an episode in which Nellie Olson was in a wheelchair and went flying down a hill and was all still at the bottom (she lived)?

If I'm not fabricating that, that episode terrified me.

No, you're not fabricating that. It totally happened. There are very, very few episodes of "Little House on the Prairie" where one of the following failed to happen to someone:

1) going blind
2) dying in a fire
3) contracting fever and/or plague
4) hallucinating
5) attempting to amputate one's own limb
6) being paralysed in some fashion (usually only temporarily)
7) falling down a well
8) falling off a ladder
9) falling off a roof
10) falling down a hill
11) falling off a fence
12) falling out of a tree
13) drowning
14) getting abducted
15) getting adopted

To the best of my recollection, the only person who was raped was Sylvia, but she was raped by a mime. A goddamn MIME. And then she fell down a ladder and died.

Have you never heard of Cartwright's Syndrome? The rules are easy:
1. Any female guest star who falls for a recurring character dies (usually agonizingly, like with rabies or fire)
- 1.a unless they are the murderer
2. Any recurring character who gets ill, falls prey to completely atypical illnesses and earn their own entry in the New England Journal of Medicine
3. All original series regulars come down with said illness just about the time their contract is up for negotiations
4. Most automobile accidents with disfiguring injuries are caused by failed contract negotiations which result in replacing the actor with someone who is younger with better hair

Other causes of Cartwright's include wearing red shirts and being a featured player in any Rodgers and Hammerstein musical.

Gilbert Blythe was played by Jonathan Crombie, who has aged really well. The guy who played Almanzo was Canadian, from Prince George, BC, maybe the only actor to ever grow up in PG.

The Hogan boys were all cute. I like the nerdy twin in particular, sigh.

This list is making me crazy.

Kirk Cameron came to my college when we were having a semester of seminars on religion. I used to love Growing Pains as a kid, so my mom and I attended his speech on Christianity. We left thinking two things: Kirk Cameron is super short, and he is CRAZY. Even my mother, a devout Christian woman, couldn't believe how fanatical he seemed.

I can't believe the Coreys aren't on the list! But I do cop to having Joey Lawrence's album at one time.

JOEY LAWRENCE WAXES HIS EYEBROWS. I mean, he waxes the SHIT out of them. I think maybe he has been using Joan Crawford's old stencils, because DAMN. He looks like a plucked chicken.

Also, James Spader was hot.

This list has left me with a longing to take back up my Little House addiction, like crazy. Hell, it may even replace Heroes before season's end.

You did forget three things from your list of character maladies, though, Sarina:

1. Having a gimpy leg and/or some other disability that Pa Ingalls had to make special shoes for and/or go to task for at a Church service.

2. Child abuse. RAMPANT in Walnut Grove, I tell ya.

3. Possessing a foreign, usually European, accent that made them inherently EVIL.

OK, going to change my Netflix queue AND my amazon.com wishlist now.

Now THAT would make for a fun Comment Diversion: everyone list what is on their amazon.com wishlists for Christmas...sooooo telling.

Thanks, llp, for the Jonathan Crombie info. That was going to drive me crazy.

I never watched Little House but it sounds freaking hilarious, especially if you've read the books.

Wow - I really need to revisit LHOP. I loved that show when I was little (though the books bored me, which says a lot about my proclivities as a child). The mime rape sounds unbelievable.

A great resource - many thanks!